Marriage Rites and Rituals [Iyers]
Marriage Rites and Rituals [Iyers]
By P. R. Ramachander
Introduction
Marriage ceremonies and rituals, though based on the common religious percepts
are different for different castes in India. It is also different for the same
caste living in different parts of the country not only based on the Veda or
Sutra they belong but also due to customs that the community has adopted.
An attempt has been made to list out and describe the various rituals and
functions of the marriage of Iyers. It does not mean that these are same for all
Iyers. According the Veda and the Sutra that they follow as well as the custom
adopted by the families these can be different. The marriage rituals, except for
a few have not been stable over years. It has kept on changing according to the
needs and conveniences of the iyer society. Even about 100 years back, most of
the marriages were celebrated for four days. Little earlier to that Vara
Dakshina or dowry was not in practice but Kanya Shulka or brides money was given
to the father of the bride. What are being described are the functions and
rituals, as it should be based on the Vedas and different family customs, which
are in vogue. Some effort has also been made to give the significance of these
functions as well as the meanings of the important mantras recited at different
times.
Marriage for a Hindu is not a contract but a sacrament or in other words. a
function dictated by religion aimed at elevating two individuals in to a unified
whole called the family. But going through the following, it could be seen that
all the prayers are chanted by the groom. All prayers are aimed at purifying the
bride and no where a need for purification of the groom is mentioned. (One of
the learned referees of this article has pointed out that, performance of Vritha
cleans the bridegroom). It could also be seen that majority of the rituals are
dictated by custom rather than by religion. Marriage is one of the 40 samskaras
(16 according to some), which every individual has to undergo from the time of
conception in the womb of the mother till the individuals death. Samskara in
Sanskrit means refining Marriage is one of the important samskaras in an
individual's life.
Every individual iyer knows that the iyer marriage is a very complicated
function. They would however be surprised to know that the part dictated by
Vedas in the marriage ceremony is extremely less. Most of the manthras are very
significant but some of them are extremely out dated. Some of the out dated
ceremonies are slowly being changed or left out by our forefathers. We have to
be really proud of that group of people who were tied in orthodoxy of those
times but willing to change once they realized that it is not relevant. Apart
from the Vedic rituals there are also puranic rituals, which must have crept in
with passage of time. This was possibly the reason why the Indian Constitution
tells that the stipulated marriage rites of a Hindu community are those rites,
which have been prevalent for the past 25 years. There are also umpteen rituals
in the iyer marriage, which has nothing to do with Veda or puranas or even the
religion. These are the loukika rituals. Sumnagalis or married women whose
husbands are alive take a leadership in determining and carrying out these
rituals.
Broadly in the iyer marriage the Vedic rituals are 1. Groom asks for the girl
from her father through intermediaries 2. Father of the bride agrees 3. The
father of the groom gives permission for the groom to marry 4. The bride's
father gives his daughter as a gift to the groom and then 5. The Groom marries
the bride who is now his. But the rituals and steps are much more than five The
rituals and functions as was the practiced are:
1. Vang Nischayam
2. Sumangali Prarthana
3. Pongi Podal at the aunt's house
4. Yatra danam at the Grooms house
5. Receiving of the Grooms party
6. Vara Praekshanam
7. Janu Vasam
8. Nischaathartham
9. Vritham for the groom and Kappu Kettal (Raksha) for the bride
10. Sprinkling of Paligai
11. Para desi kolam and Kasi Yatrai
12. Malai mattal or Exchange of garlands
13. Unchal and Pachai podi
14. Vara Poojai
15. Telling of Pravaram
16. Dharai Varthal or Kanya danam
17. Agni prathishtapanam
18. Madu Parkam and Vara pooja
19. Looking at the bride
20. Vivaha sankalpam, Kanya samskaram and Mangala snanam
21. Mangalya dharanam
22. Wearing of toe ring by the bride
23. Prayer while tying the string made of Dhurbha
24. Groom leading the bride in front of the fire
25. Agni muhurtham
26. Panigrihanam
27. Saptha padhi
28. Parinayam and Pradhana homam
29. Asmarohanam, Laja Homam and Agni Pradakshinam
30. Removal of Dhurba tied around the bride
31. Jayadhi homam
32. Aseervadham and Phala Dhanam
33. Palum Pazhamum
34. Marriage feast (Lunch)
35. Nalangu
36. Journey towards husband's home
37. Griha pravesam
38. Pravesya Homam
39. Gandharva pooja
40. Prayer for getting good children
41. Seeing of Arundhathi and Dhruva
42. Post Marriage Rituals
a. Sthali bhagam
b. Oupasanam
c. Sesha homam
d. Nandi sraddham
e. Kooshmanda Homam
f. Phala dhanam
g. Thamboola charvanam
h. Aseervadam
1. Vaaang Nischayam (Loukika)
The families after examining the compatibility of the couples both physical and
mental and the longevity of their wedded life from the horoscopes initiate the
marriage negotiations. This consists of enquiring about the background of the
bride's and groom's families and a visit of the groom and family to the bride's
house. Once the groom and bride like each other both families decide to perform
the marriage. A simple ceremony which was preceded by a Vigneswara pooja and
exchange of Nalikera and Thamboola (Coconut, betel leaf and arecanut) before
elderly people of both families, by the brides and grooms parents is called
Vaang Nischaya, Later the reading of Lagna Patrika (or a contract by both
parents about the performance of the marriage) was added to this simple
function. But this has now become a mini marriage ceremony, which is celebrated
in the groom's house. Apart from what is described in the last paragraph, mutual
garlanding of the groom by the bride and a big feast for large number of invited
guests etc form a part of this function.
2. Sumangali Prarthanai (Loukika)
This is a prayer by the groom's and bride's families to those ladies of their
family who have died as sumangalis. i. e. died before their husbands. The
blessings of these sumangalis are sought by inviting 5-8 Sumangalis for a
special pooja and a traditional feast. Normally the married daughters and
sisters of the family are included in the list of invitees. All Sumangalis come
to the feast in a traditional attire of a nine-yard sari. Here the Sumangalis
invited represent the dead Sumangalis of the house and they are first woshipped
and fed. It is interesting to note that this is the only iyer function in which
women eat before men. Apart from Sumangalis a kanya is also invited. There is
lot of variation of this pooja, which almost differs from family to family. No
priest is called and no Sanskrit sloka is recited. It is a custom in certain
families to hold it after the marriage so that the daughter or daughter-in -law
participates as a Sumangali in this Pooja.
3. Pongi Podal (Loukika)
Female elders were extremely important in an iyer family especially the father's
sisters (aunt) and mother's brothers' wife (Mami). Before the marriage these
relations used to invite their nephew (or niece) for a traditional feast in
which Pongal Chadam (rice cooked with Dhal and turmeric), which is the sign of
prosperity, is prepared. Also all the dishes that their nephew (or niece) likes
are prepared. This is a sort of farewell feast by these elders to the bride or
groom who are going to form a family themselves.
4. Yatra Danam (Puranic)
Iyer marriages always take place in the bride's place of residence and so there
is a need for the groom and his parents to travel to the bride's place. So
before starting a Vigneswara Pooja is performed and dana is given to Brahmins to
ward of evils. It is also customary to break a coconut before the party departs
to ward of evil eye.
5. Receiving of the grooms party (Loukika)
This is a very important function of yester years and used to be done at the
boundary of the village. The bride's parents receive the groom and his family
with coconuts and Nadaswaram and lead them to the place where stay has been
arranged. With the concept of village undergoing change, nowadays the groom's
party is taken to their place of stay and is received in front of the mantap by
the bride's parents and relatives. They are received besides the usual coconut,
flowers and Thamboola with two conical structures called "Paruppu Thengai Kutti"
made of dhal, jaggery and coconut. This sort of reception with Kutti happens
five times during the marriage ritual. Though still called Paruppu (dhal),
Thengai (coconut) Kutti, these are nowadays made of cashew nut or Laddu or
Lozenges of various other sweets. This Nadaswaram troupe continues to play till
the marriage ceremonies over in the mantap. Off and on, when important rituals
take place, the priest's signal for Getti melam, which means faster and louder
playing of the drum. This is supposed to prevent bad words or words of ill omen
from being heard at the marriage hall.
6. Vara Prekshanam or Kanya Varanam (Vedic)
This is a ceremony in which the groom sends learned Brahmins as his emissaries
to the groom's father and requests him to give his daughter in marriage to him.
The mantras recited are from Rig Veda. This consists of several parts: -
i. Requests to the Brahmins to Go on his behalf: Hey Elders, You have decided to
help me based on my request. Please go with a contended heart to request a bride
for me. You would be all blessed by the devas who will get their share in the
yagas to be performed by my wife and me after marriage.
ii. Prays for a safe passage to the elders: Let the path of these elders who are
my friends be devoid of stones and thorns. Let Aryama the deva unite the bride
and me. Let the family that we are going to build be holy and well joined. Let
the path these elders take be the shortest and straight one. Let the Deva Aryama
help these elders in their endeavor.
7. Janu Vasam (Loukika)
This is a very important function of the iyer marriage. In the present day it
consists of getting dressed in western clothes by the groom at the nearby temple
and from there coming to the mantap in a grand procession to accept the bride.
The bride's brother presents the dresses for the occasion to the groom before
the januvasam and arrangements are made to take them to a predetermined temple.
A special Pooja of the deity is also arranged It also is an indirect exposure of
the groom to the general public. If some body knows some thing negative about
him (like he is already married or he is a bad character), they get a chance of
telling it to the bride's father. The procession nowadays is in a car preceded
by a grand nadaswaram and some times bursting of crackers. In the olden days the
procession used to be even on elephants. This procession also has some very
interesting implication. According to the Vedas, once upanayanam is over for a
Brahmin boy, he becomes a Brahma charin or one who walks in the way of Brhama.
It was a time for him to learn Vedas and other necessary knowledge. It was
customary during those times that he used to wear one white short cloth up to
the knee, never shave or have a hair cut, never wear a garland or scents, never
wear sandal paste and in fact lead a saintly life. Janu means knee and vasam is
cloth. Janu Vasam is really a procession in which the groom is brought to the
bride's house as a brahmachari. He was expected to wear only a cloth up to the
knee. Ofcouse now it is not like that.
8. Nischayathartham (Loukika)
This is an important item of the marriage ritual and is normally held in the
previous evening to the marriage and after the Janu Vasam. This consists of a
preliminary Ganapathi Pooja followed by honouring the parents of the groom by
the parents of the bride and vice versa and announcing the final agreement by
the bride's parents that they are willing to give their daughter in marriage to
this groom. The groom and his parents accept the proposal. The groom's parents
give her a silk sari during this time. She receives this and changes whatever
sari she wears with the new one. The groom's sister ties in some families
Thamboola in the end of this sari. Please note that the proposal was initiated
by the groom through the intermediary of the elders and not by the bride's
parents as is common now. This system must have changed from Vedic times in the
recent past. In this function elders from both families meet each other and
bless the groom and the bride for a happy future. There is also a custom of
giving articles for washing and make up as well as two dolls by the groom's
party to the bride during this occasion. It is called for Vilayadal or playing.
This is supposed to be given by the groom's sister. Sometimes along with this
she also presents a silk sari. There is a tendency nowadays of holding the
marriage reception after this Nischayathatham. Under normal circumstances there
seems to be nothing wrong but many of the rituals reserved for the marriage like
Garlanding of each other and pani Grahanam take place then. Though some elders
frown at this tendency most of them accept it. But if the marriage does not take
place after this pani grahanam and Mala Dharanam, for some reason or other, it
will be really tragic as these are part of the Hindu marriage ceremonies.
9. Vritham and Kappu Kettal (Vedic)
As mentioned under Januvasam, the groom is still a brhamacharin in the ascetic
garb. He is unshaved, uncut and supposed to lead a strict life as prescribed.
His Guru when he was initiated in this life of penance is his father. So it is
essential that before he gets married he has to take permission from his father
(Guru) to end his Brhama Charya Vritha and marry and lead a life of a Grihastha.
This function is Vritham. This function could also be performed in the groom's
house before he departs to the bride's house for marriage. The bride's family
lead by the maternal aunt of the bride normally invites the groom with a pair of
Paruppu Thengai Kutti. During this time the groom's father makes him perform all
the samskaras like namakaranam, Choulam, Annaprasanam etc which for some reason
have not been performed and also make the groom do the duties as a brahmacharin
which he has not performed like Khanda rishi tharpanam, Prajapatyam, Saumyam,
Agneyam, Vaiswadevam etc and complete the samavarthana(life of a brhma charin).
It is necessary according to religious beliefs that he has gained expertise in
Vedas by this time. Simultaneously a Raksha (Protection) in the form of a sacred
string is tied in the wrist of the bride after reciting Vedic manthras to
protect her from all evil spirits and also those Gandharvas, who were holding
charge of her till then. There is a custom of giving oil for bath, green gram
for oil bath, sweets to eat after he takes a bath, to the groom before the
Vritha by the aunt (Athai) of the bride. Nowadays this has been enlarged to
include a shaving set, toilet articles like soap scent etc. Earlier days all
these were supposed to be given during the early morning of the marriage at the
groom's quarters with accompaniment of Nadaswaram etc. But nowadays, it is
mostly handed over to the groom's party the previous night. This is a purely
Loukika custom.
10. Sprinkling of Paligai (Puranic)
Pali means row of trees and this ritual would have been planting of trees by the
groom's and bride's families for the upkeep and happiness of the groom and the
bride. In modern days, this consists of sowing germinated seeds of nine kinds of
pre-soaked cereals in 5 mud pots (layered with green grass and bilva leaves) by
married women (Sumangalis) relatives of the groom and the bride. They first sow
the germinated seeds and pour milk with water over it. It is a custom nowadays
to have five such pots for each side. Five sumangalis (three from the groom's
relatives and two from the bride's relatives in case of the groom's side and
three from the bride's relatives and two from the bride's side in case of
bride's side) sow the germinated grain and pray for long happy married life for
the couple as well as several children to brighten their homes. In Kerala, these
germinated plants in the mud pots are supposed to be left in the river nearby
after 4 days. There is an opinion from a learned referee that, rather that the
germinated seeds should be eaten as is the custom in Karnataka. But during
modern times, this is rarely done and nobody bothers about the germinated seeds.
11. Para Desi Kolam and Kasi Yathrai (Loukika)
After the Vritham in the olden days the groom used to have a haircut and a bath.
This is in memory of those times when he used to grow hair during the time when
he was a brhmachari. Slowly this custom vanished. Nowdays after the Vritham the
groom wears for the first time in his life the 8 yards Dhoti called Soman in the
Pancha Kacham (which incidentally means big Veshti one part of which goes in
between the legs) fashion. He also wears an Uttariyam. It is normal for him to
carry a fan, an umbrella, a bamboo fan, a grantham (any book nowadays), wear new
slippers and also a small bundle. He wears (collyrium) Kan Mai, garland and sees
himself for the first time in the mirror after the poonal. He also wears double
poonal (sacred string) indicating the fact that he is ready to become a
grihastha. He usually walks away from the marriage Pandal and is stopped by the
father of the bride. The groom informs the bride's father that he is going to
Kasi. (Which indicates that he is still learning and is going further to learn).
The bride's father first tells them that he is already an accocmplished Vedic
Scholar and requests him to stop his travel for learning and offers him a
coconut and offers his daughter in marriage to him and requests him to come back
and become a grihastha. The groom accepts this request. This is not a Vedic
ritual as no manthras are uttered. Another important indication is that the
negotiation is between the groom and the bride's father again indicating that
the arranged marriage of those days was arranged by the groom with the bride's
parents.
12. Malai Mattal (Loukika)
In the olden days the groom used to go inside the mantap and come out later for
the malai mattal. But nowadays he is received by the bride at the entrance of
the mantap. Normally the maternal uncles of the groom carry him in a cradle to
the mantap. Though in marriages this still takes place, in many cases, the
maternal uncle simply accompanies the groom. The bedecked bride waits at the
entrance of the mantap to receive the groom. Both the groom and bride apart from
the normal garland wear 3 sets of garland(called Mattu Malai), which is not in
the usual form but in the form of "U" put around the neck. At the entrance the
bride is lifted up by her maternal uncles and the groom by his maternal uncles
and one after another the garlands are exchanged. Lot of mirth and fun takes
place during this ritual. When the bride tries to garland the groom either he is
moved away or lifted too much high so that she will find it difficult to garland
him. The bride's party also tries to move the bride in critical time so that the
groom has to virtually chase the bride to garland her. The women relatives sing
various songs in the background.
13. Unchal and Pachai podi (Loukika)
This is another very interesting ritual, which is not Vedic and entirely managed
by women relatives. This is also called Kannujal. The silk Sari to be worn by
the bride during this occasion was supposed to be purchased by her maternal
uncle. The bride keeps her fingers folded in to the palm in a conical form and
the groom holds her hand (It is interesting to note that the Pani Grihanam which
means holding of hand, which is a Vedic ritual takes place much later after the
oonchal. Hence some elders feel that Oonchal ceremony should not be held at this
time). The groom leads the bride in front of the Oonchal (A swing) and they
stand together facing east, Then the mother of the bride, mother of the groom,
paternal aunts of the bride and the groom and one of the uncles wife's or
maternal aunts (altogether five people in some families seven people) one by one
sprinkle milk on the feet of the groom and bride (symbolizing washing their feet
with milk) and wipe their feet with the edges of their silk sari. After this
function the groom and bride are asked to sit in the swing, (It is told that the
bride's feet should not touch the ground and only the groom's feet should touch
the ground while sitting in the swing, symbolizing that He is the controller of
the family) the same relatives then wave colured rice balls (normally coloured
red but in some cases coloured yellow and red) all round them in a circular
motion and throw them in different directions. This is a ceremony meant to ward
off evil from the groom and bride. After this the same relatives give a mixture
of sugar, milk and banana to the bride and groom. Once this is over the bride's
paternal aunt walks round the swing with a lamp kept on a plate and lit on
cooked rice, fed by ghee and with five wicks kept on a brass plate called
Thambala. She is followed by the bride's mother, grooms mother, grooms paternal
aunt, brides or grooms uncle's wife alternatively carrying a pot of water and a
lit lamp normally kept in a vessel. (So that wind does not put it off). While
all these is going on the women invitees sing mellifluous tunes composed by
several poets for the occasion. Most of them remind of the puranic marriages of
either Vishnu or Shiva. Once the function is over a pot of water is handed over
to the groom and bride so that they can wash their feet. The priest waves a
coconut round the bride and groom and breaks the coconut.
14. Vara Poojai and initiation of the ceremony (Vedic)
The Vedic ceremony of marriage only starts at this juncture. After the Oonchal
the bride and the groom are taken to the Mantap and the Vedic rituals start.
First the bride's father welcomes the groom and washes his feet with water. The
groom then starts the vivaha rituals with the permission of the learned
Brahmins. He first prays the Brahmins to permit him to start the Vedic rituals.
The Brahmins permit him to do so. He then performs the Vigneswara pooja and
prays God to help him complete the rituals without any problem.
15. Telling of Pravaram (Vedic)
This is really an announcement about whom the bride is going to wed and whom the
groom is to the people who have gathered there. The gothra to which the bride
belongs, name of her paternal great grand father, her paternal grand father and
her father are repeated in a sonorous loud tones by one priest. They ask the
bride's father whether he agrees to protect the dharma of his family. He agrees.
Then another priest similarly introduces the bridegroom by telling his Gothra,
names of his paternal great grand father, paternal grand father and father. The
groom Okays the information given and agrees for the marriage ceremonies. This
is repeated thrice. Possibly this is a ritual to give a chance to the audience
to tell any thing negative about the information repeated. This was necessary as
the groom is a traveler in search of knowledge approaching the bride's father in
a different village.
16. Kanya Dhanam or giving away the bride (Vedic)
The Hindus consider gifting of their daughter to a suitable groom as a very holy
deed. In fact it is supposed to be superior to many other holy deeds like giving
alms, giving food etc. In the beginning of this ritual the bride would be
sitting facing east on a bundle made of paddy stalks and holds in her hand a
coconut. She also holds a small gold coin called Pudu panam. (But nowadays, she
sits on the lap of her father. ). Her father should stand facing north with the
brides mother on his right side. The groom stands facing the west.. The father
of the bride holds the Thamboola (Betel leaf and areca nut) in his palms and the
bride should place her palms holding coconut on her father's palms. The groom
should join his palms and get prepared to receive the bride's palm holding
coconut from her father. While her palms are being transferred, the bride's
mother should keep on pouring water over her daughter's hand, which should made
to fall on the ground (This is called Dhara in Sanskrit. In Tamil this ceremony
is called Dharai Varthu Kodukkal). Gently the bride's palms are transferred to
the groom's hand. This ritual symbolizes the transfer of ownership of the bride
to the groom (Note: They are still not married and the ritual of the marriage
would be performed by the groom. It is obvious that the Hindus thought that the
daughter is owned by her father till than and will be owned by the groom later.)
While transferring the bride her father should tell the following prayer:
a. I am giving to you as a gift, my ever playful gold like daughter who came to
my house to give redemption to my ancestors and who would make me reach the
heavens in future, bedecked in gold to you, who is the personification of
Vishnu.
b. I am giving her to you so that you can get children through her and do all
your prescribed religious duties.
The groom replies:
I accept her by the grace of Sun who made this world with my hands protected by
the Aswini Devas with he permission of the Sun God.
It is considered normal for the bride's parents to cry after this ceremony. This
is because the transfer of ownership of the bride is complete.
17. Agni prathisthapam (Vedic)
This means raising of fire. Fire has been the basis of modern life. For
centuries the only method of raising the fire was by churning wood. (since there
was no match box). Due to it being extremely essential in day to day life, a
married man was supposed to maintain fire perennially in his house with the help
of his wife. This is a Oupasana. He daily remove the ashes surrounding the fire
worships the fire and maintains it. During this holy ritual a new fire is
supposed to be raised by the groom with the help of the priest. He is supposed
to take a part of this fire and maintain it in his home for life.
18. Madhu Parkam and Vara Pooja (Vedic)
Once the bride's father gives away his daughter to the groom and he accepts her,
the bride's father becomes happy and again does honours to the groom by washing
his feet and then offering him a mixture of honey and curd called Madhu Parkam.
He also is supposed to give him a cow (the basis of a happy home in earlier
times. In fact wealth was counted by the number of cows one has). Nowadays cow
is substituted by token presents. While the bride's father washes his feet, the
groom prays, "Let this water poured over my feet destroy my enemies and take
care of my family." The bride's father then tells the groom "You who are the
personification of Maha Vishnu, please take your seat and accept all these good
things that I give you".
After this the mixture of curds, honey and ghee is given to the groom. In some
families they also add popped rice and fried rice flour. The groom tells the
following prayers:
Hey, God of Knowledge, who is responsible for the gleam in people in general and
the lustrous strength of Brahmins, Hey Vedas who add luster to the God of
Knowledge, Hey Vedas who are themselves the strength of all, I pray you to make
all people love me like this, please make me own several herds of cattle. Hey
Madhu Parka, which has come to me, please give me luster, fame and milk like
qualities. Let all people love me. Please give me cattle wealth.
19. Looking at the bride (Vedic)
This is a ritual, which symbolizes, announcing to everybody his intention of
marrying the maid who has been given to him. He looks at her part by part and
talks to her and requests her to become a part of his family.
First he prays to the Gods thus:
Hey, Varuna, Let not anything bad befall on the sibs of my bride. Hey,
Brahaspathi, please remove all bad physical and mental qualities in her that
would bring bad luck to her husband. Hey, Indra please remove all the physical
barriers in her that would prevent birth of children and also equip her with
good qualities so that she can bring up the children properly. Oh, All Gods,
please shower her with all good qualities.
20. Vivaha sankalpam, Kanya samskaram and Mangala snanam (Vedic)
a. Kanya Samskaranam
This means refining of the bride or civilizing the bride. The marriage rituals
really start from this point only. The groom realizes that his marrying the
bride and taking her away would make her parents sad. He feels that they should
not become sad and tells them:
Though the bride has been brought up with love and care, it is not proper for
you to shed tears at this time. She is full of life and is going to lead a happy
life. Instead of this you all should be happy because me and this girl are going
to lead a life full of love Also this act of giving the bride is going to repay
your debts to your ancestors. Shedding tears now will displease them. Then he
addresses the maid he has chosen to marry and tells her what he expects of her
and also refines her and removes all that is bad in her by a prayer:
"Hey maid, Please be the one who is not giving a harsh stares at the husband.
Please be kind to my brothers. Please always go in the most proper way and
please always keep your body clean. I will be praying for long life for all the
children, which you will beget for me. Since this requires the worship of the
devas, you should also have a desire to worship them. I also beseech you to be
always good to all my family members and the animals like the cows and horses
owned by the family."
After this the groom takes a dharbha grass and gently moves it over the eyelids
of the bride and throws the dharbha behind her reciting a mantra praying the
devas once again to make her behavior kind towards him.
b. Mangala Snanam and Vivaha Sankalpam
This means holy bath and marriage preparations. This is done in a few steps.
They are:
i. Prayer to the Brahmins to bring water that is holy for giving bath to the
bride.
Normally this holy water is brought by even number of learned Brahmins (normally
2 or 4). The groom prays to them:
"There are lots of sins that are transferred to the water. Hey, Brahmins bring
that holy water which has not been spoiled by death and that water which will
not destroy her children in her womb and that water which is devoid of any bad
effects."
ii. Prayer when keeping the dharbha ring on the head of the girl.
The groom then keeps a thick ring (normally meant for keeping the mud pots
stable) on the head of the girl and recites the following prayer. He also prays
his relatives to surround him and the bride.
"Hey, Deva called Aryama, like the stand made of dharbha kept on the head of
this maid is round, with your blessings let er and my brothers and mother
surround this fire and witness these ceremonies. Her relatives and mine also
should surround this fire and will witness the marriage between us and pray for
our welfare. Let their prayer be granted by your grace."
iii. Prayer when keeping the yoke on the ring.
Then the groom keeps a model of a yoke (meant to tie two bullocks) on the
Dharbha ring and recites the following prayer. He reminds Indra of the way he
cured a girl called Abala (Abala literally means "strength less". In fact in
Sanskrit all girls are called Abalas.)
"Hey Indra, In he same way as all the bodily defects of Abala disappeared and
she became similar to the sun, please remove all the bodily defects of this girl
and make her shine like Surya."
(Abala was a girl who had leucoderma and was cured by pulling her through the
hole in the yoke used to tie the horses in Indra's chariot, three times)
iv. Prayer when keeping gold in the hole in the yoke
(Normally the hole in the stick is covered with the mangalya made of gold and
kept on the head of the bride. )
The groom prays "Hey maid, let this stick covered with gold and the holy waters
brought by the Brahmins wash of all the defects in you which would bring bad
effects on me and which are not visible. Let it thus bring good to you. Let
these unite your body with mine later when we love each other. "
v. Prayer for performing holy bath to the bride.
This consists of 5 prayers by the groom. They are:
a. These waters shine like gold, and have an unblemished luster. This water
itself is pure and is capable of purifying others. Let these waters remove all
the blemishes in this maid. Was it not in these waters in which several hundreds
of holy theerthas (Holy river waters) are present? Let the God of all, use this
water and make you pure.
b. This water in which was born Lord Surya, this water in which was born the
fire, this water which is as blemish less as gold and this water which purifies
all others, let it, Oh maid, remove all your sorrows, and let it also give you
eternal pleasure.
c. These waters in which God Varuna remains in the middle and watches all the
good and bad one does, these waters that wear fire in the middle and these
waters of purest colour, let it give all the pleasures of this world to you, Oh,
Maid.
d. These waters which gods drink from the sky, these waters which exist in the
sky in various shapes, these waters which have raging fire in the middle should
give you pleasure both of this world and the world thereafter., oh, maid
e. Oh maid, who is going to marry me now, let these waters see you with its
welfare giving eyes, let it with its holy body touch your skin and let these
waters which give rise to the innate principle of the ghee, give you all the
pleasures of this world.
vi. Prayer while giving new clothes to be worn by the bride. The bride till this
point wears the cloths normally worn by unmarried women, (Sari), Now the groom
gives her a new cloth which should be worn by her in future.
The groom prays while giving new clothes to the bride:
"Similar to the fact that this maid is surrounded by the new clothes on all her
sides, Let You, Indra, who worship elders who do service to God, be attracted by
my prayer and be kind enough to give all that is good to this maid."
With this prayer the groom hands over to the bride a nine yards sari, which is
called Koorai Pudavai. (Till recently it was a custom for the groom's parents to
pay for the Koorai Pudavai. It was invariably in the colour of Lac. But nowadays
the bride's family purchases Koorai Pudavai). The sister and lady relatives of
the groom dress the bride in this new cloth. Possibly this is the last chance
for them to examine the bride in secret and find out whether she has any
defects.. Koorai in Tamil means roof and this name must have been taken from
this sloka, where the cloth is supposed to cover her allover One author feels
that it must have come from the word "Kroora" which means "cruel" Possibly it
hides her from the cruel looks of other males by bringing her under the
protection of marriage.
21. Mangalya Dharanam (Puranic)
Mangalya means that which gives good things and Dharanam means "wearing". The
bride has to wear two mangalyas one given by her father and another by the
groom's father. The shape and content of Mangalya varies from family to family.
Normally before marriage the gold for making mangalya is melted on an auspicious
day by the gold smith. Lot of importance is given in the present day to the
Mangalya. Before being tied it is circulated among the audience for their
blessing and good wishes. This mangalya is a piece of gold in which is inscribed
Shiva Linga or Shiva Linga as embossed on a Thulasi madam or Goddess Meenakshi
depending on the custom of the bridegroom's family. The groom ties the mangalya
arranged on a yellow string round the neck of the girl only the first knot is
put by him and two more knots are put by his sister. (The groom's sister is
normally given a suitable present for tying the two knots). The bride is
normally sits facing east and sits on a bundle of grain-laden hay. The groom
recites the following prayer while tying the Mangalya:
"This string is holy and giver of good things in life. It also is going to
elevate my life. Hey, beautiful maiden, I am tying this around your neck and
pray that you would live for hundred years."
It is important to note that this prayer is in modern Sanskrit and is not taken
from Veda, It also is important to note that this ritual is not prescribed by
the Vedas. Possibly this custom originated in later years. But as of today,
according to general people, it is one of the very important functions of
marriage. After the mangalya Dharanam is over, the elders shower flowers and
yellow coloured rice on the groom and bride. It is also common nowadays to
congratulate the bride's parents and groom's parents after this ritual. A sweet
sherbhat (sweet scented water) is served to all the people in the mantap once
this ritual is over. But really the marriage ritual is has just begun and is far
from being over.
22. Wearing of toe ring by the bride (Puranic)
This is yet another ritual which has no Vedic mantras. The toe ring (3 in number
for each leg) is worn to the bride by the sister of the groom.. In Ramayana when
Rama asks Lakshmana to identify the ornaments of Seetha, he identifies only the
Noopura which is worn in the ankles. He tells Rama that the only part of Seetha
he has seen is her feet. Though Noopura denotes anklets, some authorities
identify it as toe ring and claim that this was an ancient ritual. Possibly this
was worn to identify a married woman in ancient times.
23. Prayer while tying the string made of Dharbha (Vedic)
The next ritual is tying a rope made of Dharbha grass around the hip of the
bride by the groom. He does this by reciting the following prayer:
Oh fire God; please give a stable and composed mind to this maid, who is going
to join me in worshipping you. Let her not get perturbed by anything from now
onwards; let her beget lot of children, wealth, grains and house. Let her also
get a lustrous pretty body. For getting all these I am tying her with this rope
made of dharbha.
24. Groom leading the bride in front of the fire (Vedic)
The groom then leads the bride by catching her right hand to the mat spread in
front of the fire facing east. The bride should sit on southern side and the
groom on the northern side of the mat.
"Let God Poosha hold your hand and take you near the fire. After performing the
sacrifices in the fire let the Aswini Devas (Doctors of Gods) permit you to come
to my house in a cart. If you come after taking permission from them, my family
and me will lead a healthy life. After coming to my house. you would become the
queen (boss) of my house. And then you should encourage me to do several
religious fire sacrifices."
According to Vedic rites this is the first time when the groom holds the hand of
the bride. Nowadays this is the second time, the first being while he leads her
to Oonchal (swing). According to some people, this sloka also indicates that the
groom and bride are supposed to live in their own house and not with the family
of groom's parents. It is not clear when the joint family concept came in to
India.
25. Agni Muhoortham or holy fire ritual (Vedic)
After doing Namaskaras to the fire The groom recites the following prayers:
You (the bride) was had by Soma (the moon) in the beginning. The Gandharva had
you after wards from him. Then the Gandharva gave you to fire. That fire is now
giving you to me along with wealth.
The God Soma liked this maid first. Then she was with Gandharva and later the
God of fire liked her. After being had by all these gods, I am the first human
being to have her. So because Soma, Gandharva and Agni (god of fire) have
already given her wealth and capacity to have children, me and this maid will
have all the good fortunes in this world.
Naturally this is prayer is not well understood. Possibly it indicates that she
was innocent like a baby (moon) attractive as a maiden (gandharva) and enticing
and sensual as fire (agni). Some authorities are of the opinion that these
slokas indicate that the Vedas did not approve pre puberty marriages. Though the
Sanskrit words indicate that she was married by moon, gandharva and Agni in
turn, some people interpret the word as "looked after" not "married"
26. Pani Grihanam (Vedic)
Literally this means "holding of hands. Because this is the first most important
Vedic ritual, scholars believe that this should be done during the auspicious
time. Normally the bride folds fingers her right hand fingers into a conical
form upwards and the groom holds it in his hand folded downwards by surrounding
all her fingers. ( One authority says that " If he holds her hand leaving her
thumb then they both will have only female children and if he holds only her
thumb leaving out the fingers, then they will have only male children). The
following prayers are recited by the groom:
Hey maid, I am holding your hand so that you will have several good children and
live happily with me till ripe old age. The God Aryama has given you to me to
lead the life of a householder. The gods Bhaga and Agni were leading this life
before me with you and have now given you to me for the purpose of raising my
family. Hey Goddess Saraswathi, you are blessed with all the luck, riches and
food and so we who have held our hands today, hope to get riches and pleasures
by your blessing. I announce this loudly in front of all so that you will
definitely bless me. Hey Maid, Let Vayu (god of wind) who has the capacity to
travel in all directions, who keeps a gold coin in his hand to give to those who
pray him and who is the friend of fire God (Agni) who has the capacity to purify
everything as well as the capacity to make raw food eatable, enter your mind and
make you love me for every minute of our future lives.
27. Saptha Padhi (Vedic)
Literally this means the "seven steps". Courts in India have ruled that this is
the most important ritual of a Hindu Marriage. They consider that unless this
ritual is completed the marriage itself is not over. According to Vedas, once
this is over the bride and groom become wife and husband. This ritual consists
of the groom taking the right foot of the bride in his left hand and making her
take seven steps either in the direction of east or north.
The following prayers are recited:
First Step:
Let God MahaVishnu who is spread through out the world, Give you food in plenty.
Second step:
Let Him come with you for a second step and give you sufficient strength
Third step:
Let Him come with you for a third step to make you observe all religious
rituals.
Fourth step:
Let Him come along with you for the fourth step to give you pleasures
Fifth step:
Let Him be with you when you take the fifth step to give you lot of wealth (cow)
Sixth step:
Let Him lead you the six stages of life with happiness and welfare
Seventh step:
Let him help you in performing Soma Yaga and other prayers when you take the
seventh step
The following requests are to be recited by the groom to the bride after she
takes the seven steps:
"You who has taken the seven steps with me should become my friend.
We who have taken the seven steps together would live as friends.
I should get your friendship, Oh maid.
Oh maid, I should never get parted from your friendship.
We who have attained each other, should get lustrous health, serenity, peaceful
mind, and should enjoy together the food and all other tastes.
We would plan all things that are to be done in future together.
Let us both make our two minds in to one.
Let us enjoy together all the physical and mental pleasures together from now
onwards.
Let us do all religious observations together."
Then again the groom tells the bride:
"You are the Rig Veda and I am the Sama Veda
I am the Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda (recited twice for emphasis)
Like these two Vedas we should never separate from each other. We also will not
get separated.
I am the world Dyu and you are the earth (dyu is the world above. This indicates
that she is below him and should obey his wishes).
I am the material called Shukla (semen) and you are the wearer of this in your
womb.
I am the mind and you are the word
I am Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda
I am telling this because I have lot of care for you.
Please bear me male children in future,
Hey Maid come with me."
Once the prayer and the grooms request is recited the bride becomes groom's wife
and joins his family (Gothra).
28. Parinayam and Pradhana Homam (Vedic)
The wife and husband now circle the fire and are seated in front of the fire.
The wife sits on the south side and the husband sits on the north side. The wife
keeps touching the husband while he does the following 16 Ahuthis (pouring of
Ghee in to the fire) with the following Manthras:
i-iii. This offering is poured for soma who had this maid. This offering is
poured for the Gandhrava who had this maid. This offering is poured for the Agni
(fire God) who had this maid.
iv. This maid has come out from her father's family where she was a maid and
joined my family. I am pouring this offering so that she is excused for the sins
she has committed as a maid.
v. Hey Indra, who grants all desires. Please free this maid from her father's
family' Please tie her strongly to my family. She is future should develop
attachments to my family only. Please make her a part of my family and make her
bear male children to me, through her.
Hey Indra, who grants all desires. Please remove the attachment this girl has to
her father's family. Please make her affectionate to my family. Let riches,
grains, cows and good luck increase in my family.
vi. Hey Indra, who grants all desires, Please make this maid have good sons and
make her fortunate. I should beget ten sons out of her and I should become her
eleventh son.
vii. Agni, who is an important deva, should come here. He should prevent infant
death to all her children. To ensure that she will not shed tears because of the
early death of her children, God Varuna should agree with Agni to prevent the
children's death. For this purpose I make this offering in the fire.
viii. Let Agni save this maid from all future troubles. He should give long life
to all her children. If her organs are not strong enough to bear a child, he
should cure this and help her get children. He should give her the happiness of
cuddling her children in her lap in the early morning.
ix. Hey bride, there should not be any more crying in your house in future. Let
all those demons that cause unhappiness desert you. Let those demons that enter
the homes and terrorize women should not come to her house. The Gods should
prevent you from beating your chest with disheveled hair. I am pouring this
offering to help you do all these.
x. Let your behind be protected by the God of Sky; Let your thighs be protected
by Vayu; Let your breasts be protected by Aswini devas; Let your sons be
protected by Savitha and till you wear clothes; Let you be protected by
Brihaspathi.
xi. I am giving this offering in the fire so that all the causes which stand
against the birth of a son and those which cause the death of a sin in you are
removed from you. Like the wilted flowers that you wore on your head was removed
and thrown,, Let God remove all such defects in you and transfer them to your
enemies.
xii. Oh Varuna, please hear this prayer and give me all pleasures just now. As
soon as I ask you should give me pleasures. I want to be saved by you only and
hence I am praying you,
xiii. I am reciting this Vedic prayers and surrender to you so that I can save
myself. People who do this worship are doing so to save themselves. Hey Varuna,
you should help me complete this task, which I have taken up. So please do not
rob allotted years from my life.
xiv. Hey Agni, Help me by reducing the anger of Varuna towards both of us. You
who is the greatest among those who are worshipped, you who takes the offering
given by us to devas gently and who shines with luster should remove from us all
those hateful qualities.
xv. Hey Agni, You who are the greatest among all those devas who are worshipped
and is the cause of existence of the devas, should save us when it is the dawn
and also during daytime. You should be very near us always. You please prevent
Varuna from coming to us and troubling us. You who give us all pleasures should
consume the offerings given by us. Please come when we call you. And also help
us to become happy when we call you.
xvi. Hey Agni, you are suitable of devotees attaining you and also you attain
the devotees directly. And because of that you are suitable for attaining by
mind. Hey Agni, because you can be easily attained by devotees, I am meditating
on you using my mind and beg to get your blessings.
Hey Agni, you who can be easily attained by devotees should receive from us the
offering to different devas and give it to the concerned devas. Also please give
us the capacity to demit our sins.
29. Asmarohanam, Lajahomam and Agni Pradakshinam (Vedic)
This is a combined ritual First the husband and wife circle the fire and reach
near a stone kept at the north side. The husband holds the thumb of the right
leg of the wife by his left hand and places it on a stone. Both of them go near
the fire and take their seat. The husband then helps his wife to offer the
handful (both palms of the wife are held together. Her brother also takes two
hand full of popped rice) of popped rice along with small quantity of ghee given
to his wife by her brother to the Agni (fire). Then they circle the fire and
repeat this ritual thrice. Though not mentioned in the Vedas, it is a common
practice for the husband to give a suitable present to his wife's brother for
helping them in this ritual. Normally this should be equal in value to the
present given by the bride's family to the groom's sister during Mangalya
dharanam for tying the two knots.
The prayer to be recited by the husband while placing the leg of his wife on the
stone:
"Hey bride, please climb on this stone. You should become as stable as the stone
in your mind. When some body wages a war at you, you should be boldly oppose
them and insult the enemies."
The prayer while putting popped rice in to the fire for the first time:
"This lady is praying a long life of hundred years for her husband. Please
fulfill her desires."
The prayers while circling the fire for the first time:
i-iii. Hey Agni, When the world began, you were given the daughter of Surya (sun
god) along with wealth for marriage. Now please give this wife to me so that we
can beget children.
Hey Agni, since you have married the daughter of Surya, all the girls in this
world are in your custody. So for begetting children, I pray you to bless me by
giving a blemish less wife.
iv. Hey Agni, please give me a wife who is very attractive and with long life.
v. Hey Agni, bless us to cross like water all problems in our life. Then he
should keep the leg of his wife on the stone second time with the same prayer as
of the first time. The prayer while putting popped rice in to the fire for the
second time:
Maids worship the God Agni, because he is easily pleased and gives them their
desires.
Oh Agni, she prays you to remove her bonds with her parent's house and also at
no time remove her bonds from my house.
Hey Agni, performing this offering of popped rice has benefited several maidens.
Please accept her offering and fulfill her prayer.
Then they circle the fire and step on the stone once more and make the offering
of popped rice for the third time.
The prayer while putting popped rice in to the fire for the third time is:
"Hey Agni, you have been always in charge of food and the maidens, who are the
path of heaven. And because of that you give maidens to us. Please make us both
of the same mind and opinion. For this I am pouring ghee into you similar to the
water being given to the tree.
Hey, Agni, the portals of heavens through fire sacrifices are not open to those
who do not have a wife. You are the giver of the maidens to us. Please make us
both of the same mind and opinion. For this I am pouring ghee into you similar
to the water being given to the tree."
30. Removal of the Dharbha string from the wife (Vedic)
The husband recites the following prayers and then unties the dharbha string he
has tied earlier:
i. I free from the rope tied by Lord Parameshwara who ties this rope of Varuna
for all the good-minded beings, I give you the position of pleasure with me to
you in the world of Brahma.
ii. I free you form the string of Varuna tied by the Lord Parameshwara who gives
blessings to his devotees. You can live with me in Brahma loka where the blessed
go and be with me without the fear of the rope of Varuna.
31. Jayadhi Homam (Vedic)
This homa is performed at the end of the main Homa for successful completion of
the function and for a prosperous living. It is not a specific marriage ritual
but is performed as a prayer on similar occasions.
These prayers and fire sacrifice was done by Indra when he went to war with
Asuras as taught by his teacher Brihaspathi. It consists of 13 prayers. This is
followed by 18 prayers with offering in the fire to the devas and ancestors
which are meant to increase knowledge and Brahminical sathvic qualities. This is
followed by 12 prayers, which are for the benefit of the country we live.
Another three prayers called Vyahrithi homa, Swishtakrith homa and Prajapathi
homa follow these.
After a total of 48 offerings to the fire, the fire from the Homa is preserved
in a new mud pot and is taken by the wife to the Pravesya homa which takes place
in the husbands home. She is also supposed to keep and guard this fire carefully
all her life.
32. Aseervadam and Phala Dhanam (Puranic)
This means literally blessing. The groom spreads his Uttariya over his shoulders
and his wife stands by his side. Than the elders and learned people in the
gathering throw Akshathai (meaning that which never ends but in reality rice
coloured by turmeric) at the couple with Vedic prayers to the almighty to give
him all that is good in life. They pray for his and his wife's betterment. A
pair of paruppu Thengai Kutti is used at this occasion also. Once this is over,,
then the husband and wife do namaskarams to their grand parents, parents,
uncles, aunts and also to each of the elders present and get their blessing.
Each of them put the Akshathai thrown at them and collected from the groom's
Uttariya on their heads. Nowadays, possibly due to lack of time all the elders
stand together and the couple are only asked to do one namaskaram.
Once this ritual is over the husband and wife are ready to accept gifts from all
their relatives and friends. The first to give presents are always the bride's
parents. This always includes a silk sari from the bride's parents and a Veshti
for the groom. The bride's and groom's paternal aunts and maternal uncles follow
them. Then the other relations and friends give their presents. Each present in
the olden days used to be given with a mantra in the form of blessing and used
to be always termed as "Ayiram Kodi Gatti Varahan". This means billions of solid
gold coins. Once the presentation ceremony is over the husband and wife return
the presents to their paternal aunts. Normally it is slightly more in value than
the presents given by the aunts. Only Thamboola is given back to the maternal
uncles.
Phala Dhanam or giving of cash presents to all the guests used to take place
after the Aseervadam. Normally this used to be a quarter of a rupee and used to
be given by the brides family. But as on today this has been discontinued and
cash gifts are now given in some marriages only to the near and dear of the
groom.
After this an Arathi is taken. This consists of water in which turmeric and lime
is mixed, waved in a circular fashion by one female representative of the
groom's side and the other from the brides side, along with a suitable song. The
groom puts two coins as gift to these relatives. This in reality should bring to
an end the pre-lunch rituals of the marriage. But nowadays the rest of the Vedic
rituals, which are supposed to be carried out in the groom's house, also are
compressed and carried out before lunch.
33. Palum Pazhamum (Loukika)
Then the wife and husband visit first the husband's house and then the wife's
house. In these houses the female relatives gather and give the husband and wife
a spoon each of banana pieces put in milk. Since the husband's house is normally
in some other town, the husband and wife are nowadays taken to the place
allotted to the groom's party and the husband's relatives give Palum pazhamum
there.
34. Lunch (Loukika)
The lunch normally prepared on the marriage day is a very grand one with umpteen
courses. The wife along with her relatives invites the groom and his family for
the lunch with a pair of Paruppu Thengai Kutti. Normally a special area is
reserved for the lunch of the groom's relatives. In the olden days before each
banana leaf of the groom's family guests, they used to keep a lit lamp. The
husband and wife sit together for their lunch side by side. Lot of mirth and fun
is derived by all concerned when the newly married couples are asked to exchange
their half eaten food or when they try to feed each other. This is possibly to
make them loose their inhibitions and make them realize that they have some very
special rights.
35. Nalangu (Loukika)
This is another ritual of teasing the husband and wife and makes them to get
much nearer. The wife along with her friends goes to the husband and invites him
for Nalangu. She has to sing a Pathiyam for inviting him (The word must have
derived from Padyam which means poem) He agrees and come with all his relatives
mainly female and the reply from him is again given in the form of a pathiyam
sung by one of his female relatives on his behalf. The groom and his relatives
sit on one side and the wife and her relatives sit on the opposite side. The
wife stands and then applies Nalangu (a mixture of Oil and Kumkum) on the feet
of her husband. She then puts a sandalwood and Kumkum on his forehead. Then she
combs him and breaks a chutta appalam (disc like eatable) and puts it over his
head. Then she holds a mirror for him to see himself. After this all these rites
are performed by the husband to the wife but he would be sitting down.
Once this is over the husband takes a coconut and gently rolls it towards his
wife. In olden days the couple used to get a brass coconut from the bride's
father as a present. She catches it and rolls it towards him in return. While
all these are going on the relatives gathered round sing melodious songs. In the
olden days there were two types of songs called Pathiyam (in praise of the groom
or bride or description of mythical marriages) and Yesal (gentle reminder of the
deficiencies of the husband and wife). There were instances when this has lead
to a quarrel. They composed most of these compositions. But in recent
yesteryears only film songs and classical music are sung.
At the end of the Nalangu, the husband is asked to hold the coconut with one
hand and the wife is asked to pry it out using both her hands. Once she succeeds
or accepts defeat, the wife holds the coconut with both hands and the husband is
asked to pry it using one hand. The relatives tease them a lot.
36. Thozhi Pongal, Maravanai and Kattil (Loukika - special to Kerala Iyers)
This ritual was in practice only among Kerala Iyers. On the day of marriage in
the evening the bride goes along with her maternal uncle to the houses of
friends of the wife and bid farewell to them. Depending on how rich the family
is the journey of Thozhi pongal was performed even on an elephant. The family
members of the friends receive the couple and bid them farewell with Thamboola.
The bride's uncle normally presents the sari that the bride wears. Nowadays, a
grand reception is arranged instead of the Thozhi pongal.
Another grand function, which has disappeared, is the Maravanai. This was a
grand procession in which the bride and groom are taken round the village. Some
male relatives used to wear the make up of women and some female relatives that
of men and dance in front of the procession. Since marriage of those days was
conducted for 4 days, this was held on the third day. With shrinking of the
marriage ceremonies to a single day, this ritual disappeared.
People of the olden days also tell of a function called Kattil. The bride and
the groom go to each and every house of the village. They would be received with
fanfare and made to sit on a cot. The lady of the house used to give the bride
and groom coconuts and Thamboola.
36. Journey towards the husband's house
According to Vedic rituals the husband and wife are supposed to return to the
husband's house the same day. (but nowadays they only go to the quarters
reserved for them)It was a custom for the bride's family to give packed food for
the groom's party during this occasion. (this packed lunch is given nowadays in
the next day morning)They used to go in back in a bullock cart during the olden
days. There are several prayers to be recited by the groom during this occasion.
a. To lift the bullock cart
The mind, word and body hold the earth. The sun Gods hold the sky. The Sun Gods
live in fire sacrifice (yaga). The soma latha holds the heaven. Like this I
should be able to hold this cart safely.
b. To tie the bull to the cart
i. Men tie big horses or bulls in these carts, so that it will have strength to
run and cross things which are permanent. This would continue till the time when
the stars and sun shine in the sky.
ii. We will call Indra on every occasion when we are forced to tie the horse or
the bull, so that we complete our journey safely.
c. Prayer for the wife to occupy the cart
Hey lady, climb in to the cart which is made of soft wood and in which leaves
with out thorns are spread. This has also shine like gold because of the
decorations done for this occasion. It also has stable and good wheels. Please
carry with you all the wealth and articles (for making my life pleasant) from
your parent's house in this cart.
Hey Lady, you who climb in this glorious cart should drive away all quarrelsome
people and climb on my head. (i. e. you will become my ruler). Like Virat, you
should beget for me ten sons. You should become the queen of your father in law,
mother in law, sister in laws and brother in laws.
d. Prayer before starting the cart
I spread a blue and red string before this cart so that I can escape all the bad
things wished by others on me. I pray that if the enemies of my paternal family
hatch a conspiracy so that my new wife should not get along well, that this
should be defeated.
I pray that the thieves who are planning to steal the material, which this girl
brings from her house, should not succeed.
I have reached that path that does not have danger from thieves and in this path
I have my servants to help me.
e. Prayers while traveling in the cart
Let Aswini devas make the water available on my way healthy and of good quality.
Let them give me ten sons and wealth.
Let this boat made of wood take both of us safely to the other shore. Let it
also give luster to us and long life (if there is necessity to cross a river)
There are similar prayers to cross a burial ground, forests and rivers.
f. Prayer while showing his home to his wife
The husband should first take all the wealth and materials brought by his wife
inside his house and then tell her:
Hey. Lady, this is my home and please see it well. Please see all the material
brought by you and which has been kept in this hose without hatred and with
peace.
Then he prays God Savitha that all the wealth that he has brought should
increase steadily.
37. Griha Pravesam
The husband should enter the house first and spread the hide of a bull in the
central hall with the neck side pointing towards east. While spreading he should
pray:
Let the pleasure-giving hide be properly spread. Hey God who is the god of the
new moon day, let this girl become fertile, let her live with the blessings of
God Bagha.
Then the wife steps with her right leg in to the house with the following
prayer:
I who am capable of becoming mother to sons, am entering my husband's house
where his relatives, brothers and their children live and which is protected by
capable watch and ward, happily. I am reaching this house, which has lot of
cooked rice over which the ghee flows. After this the couple perform the Pravesa
Homa.
38. Pravesya Homa
Literally this means homa performed while entering the groom's house. This is
performed before lunch on the day of marriage itself nowadays in the kalyana
mantap.
This consists of 13 prayers after reciting each prayer ghee is poured in to the
homa fire. The fire is normally lit in the north eastern corner of the house.
The wife keeps touching the husband with a dhurbha grass during the entire homa.
The prayers are:
i. My wife has reached my home from her home along with the cows and horses
received by her from her house. She should have a husband who will live long,
and she should become eligible to reach heaven by giving birth to many sons, She
should also become wealthy and daily pray this Oupasana Agni. (fire maintained
in every house hold throughout). Hey Agni, please fulfill all these and for that
I am giving you this ghee.
ii. I believe that in whichever house Oupasana agni is maintained, there will be
never any dearth. Bagha who looks after the house and gives wealth and food to
us should increase our wealth and give us children.
iii. Hey Indra, Hey Agni, Hey Prajapathi, please see to it that the children
born to us do not die before us.
iv. By the offering that I make you, oh, Agni, I should steadily improve in
life. Hey Indra, Hey Agni, please accept my offering and make the life given by
you to me, improve further.
v. This wife should get more and more happiness out of the ghee, which has been
taken out of the milk. Let the house and wealth of ours improve further. Let us
both not depend on anybody else for sustenance.
vi. Oh couple (addressing themselves) you should always live in this house. You
should always be together. You should live for 116 years. Indra should always be
interested in looking after you both.
vii. Oh wife, you who is going to be looked after me, should be not worried and
be attached to me. Brihaspathi has given you to me. So you should beget children
for me and live up to 100 years.
viii. This wife was made by God Twashta. The same God made me her husband., Hey
wife, the reason of my becoming your husband was because of God Twashta Let him
give us both different types of wealth and give us long life.
ix-xiii. These are same as the last four prayers of the pradhana homam.
Then a prayer for increase of cattle wealth, begetting valorous children and
wealth which never diminishes is made and the homa comes to an end.
39. Gandhrava Pooja
The wife was believed to be under the protection of a Gandharva called Viswa
Vasu. He is made to enter a decorated stick and Pooja is performed to this
stick.
40. Prayer for getting children
Then the couple are supposed to sit on the hide of the bull and recite the
following prayer: -
Hey, Cows, Increase in this house. Hey horses, increase in this house. Hey
Servants, increase in this house. Let this house get lot of wealth so that we
can perform charity.
Then a boy child of a lady who has only male children and none of whose children
had died is selected and asked to sit on the lap of the wife with this prayer:
By moon, the crops have grown and because of that the gods have benefited.
Because of moon the earth has become hard and the plants and trees are able to
stand on the earth because of this. Similar to this moon god being among the
bevy of stars, this child has been kept on your lap.
Then fruits should be given to the child with the following prayer:
Hey fruits, you were the cause of increase of children. Like you are fertile,
this maid also should become fertile.
Hey wife, in this house, let you be happy because of children. Let God grant you
several children. You are the queen of this house. Hold this post in a just
manner. Please join your body with mine when we both wish. Then when we become
old, help me perform all religious sacrifices.
Hey elders bless this lady to have large number of children, unlimited wealth
and bless her to live with her husband till ripe old age..
41. Showing of Dhruva and Arundhathi.
After the above rituals the husband and wife are supposed to observe penance of
silence till night when the stars come at night.
Then the pole star is pointed out to the wife and the following prayer:
Hey Dhruva, you are in an unchangeable place and are the origin of all stars.
You give stability to all other stars. Like the cattle tied to a tree cannot
roam round, the stars are tied to you. Kindly protect me from my enemies.
(Normally no prayers are recited but the wife asks the husband "Sir, Have you
seen the Star Dhruva" in tamil.)
After this the husband points out the star Arundhathi that is a part of the
constellation of great bear. She was the wife of the sage Vasishta. She has been
cited as an epitome of wifely devotion. He then recites the following prayer:
When the great seven rishis made Arundhathi as the greatest among the wives of
the great sages, the other six sage wives acknowledged her position. By seeing
her, let my wife become the eighth one.
42. Post Marriage Rituals
These have long gone out of practice and many of them are never carried out and
hence only the rituals are described:
Before retiring for the night together for the first time, they have to pray the
Oupasana Agni again. This is called Stalibhaga Then they also perform a rite
called Nandi Sraddha, which is the worship of their ancestors Then the wife
offers her husband Betel leaf and Areca nut to chew. This is called Thamboola
Charvanam.
The husband and wife should sleep on the bare floor for the next three days with
the stick in which the gandhrawa Viswavasu is put. Then on the second, third and
fourth days the Gandhrva Viswavasu is woken up with a prayer asking him to leave
them and give the wife permanently to the husband is made by the husband. He is
requested to go to another girl who is in her fathers house and not married.
Then the husband again worships the fire (this ritual is called Sesha Homa). He
prays the fire God (agni) to remove from his wife all those bad aspects in her,
which lead to the destruction of her husband, wealth and cattle. He also prays
that she should not be attracted by any other males. There are other general
prayers to the Agni.
After the homa, with the remaining ghee he should rub the chest of his wife and
his own chest and pray Gods that they should be always together. He prays "Let
Viswa Devas makes our hearts closer. Let The God of water make us close
together. Let Vayu and Brahma make our hearts closer. Let Goddess Saraswathi
make both of us to speak with each other. " He then prays God Twashta and Lord
Indira to occupy his body and make them parents of many sons. He also prays God
Prajapathi and Aryama to make them both live with love till they are old. He
finally prays Lord Surya to make his wife accept the seed that he has to sow.
(Vedic authorities steeped in Vedic ritual also say that the groom has to
another Homa Called Rithu Mathi Prayaschitta Kooshmanda Homam. This is performed
to get away from the sin of marrying a girl who has attained puberty. But in the
recent past this homa is not performed). Phala Dhanam at the groom's house,
similar to the one at the brides house, used to take place in earlier days.
The sumangalis in the house again apply the nalangu on both of them and lead
them to their nuptial chamber.. The room is decorated with flowers and lot of
fruits is also kept there. A lamp and a matchbox and a God's picture are also
kept in the room. The Sumangalis spread a mat on the bed in the nuptial chamber.
The bride once she enters the room is supposed to light the lamp and pray for a
happy life. The elderly married female relatives used to gather outside the
nuptial room and sing bawdy uninhibited songs for some time. This was again to
make the bride understand the facts of life.
There are also prayers to be chanted in the nuptial room, when the husband and
wife are alone. He tells her that she should embrace him and derive happiness
because of it. Then he prays for virility for himself for a long time and
capacity for himself to produce several children. He tells her that similar to
the fashion of making fire on a stick by rotating a stick on it he would be
making lots of sons in her. He prays that all their children should be long
lived. He also compares her to earth which has fire in the middle and receives
the rain from the sky to produce the plants. (she should receive the seeds from
him similarly). He also tells her that they should worship gods daily and get
good children.
Thus comes to an end the iyer marriage ritual.
Appendix-1: Some special songs sung during marriage ceremony
As mentioned in various places the ladies attending the marriage used to sing
several songs on different occasions, while the marriage rituals are performed.
Unfortunately many of these songs are no more available or known to our elders.
(Film songs or classical music has nowadays replaced these). A few of the songs
are given below:
A. Song sung during exchange of garlands:
Malai Chatthinal, Kothai, Malai Matthinal,
Maladainthu Mashila Rangan
Malayavar than marbile, maiyal aai,
Thaiyalal Malarkarathinal Poo (Malai ...)
Rangarajanai, Anbar - thangal nesanai,
Asi koori, bhoosurargal - pesi miga vazhthida,
Anbudan - Inbamai,
Andal karathinal Poo (Malai ...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Flower garland put on his neck, Kothai
Flower garland exchanged from him, Kothai
On him who is lord Vishnu,
On him who is the spotless Ranga,
The winsome lady,
With her flower like hands,
With love filling her heart (Flower ...)
When the friends and priests,
Praised and blessed him who is God,
With love and with joy,
With her holy hands (Flower ...)
B. Songs sung during Unchal and Pacha Podi
1. Kannunjal Adinal
Kannunjal Adinal Kanchana Malai
Mana magizhndal.
Ponnunjal mel poorithu,
Bhooshangal Darithu,
Iswaranaridathil, Adi Asayum,
Romba Vaithal (Kannunjal ...)
Uttami Pettha Kumari,
Nithya sarvalangari.
Bhakthargal papa samhari,
Padma mugha oyyari (Kannunjal ...)
Asaindhu Sangiliyada,
Usandu Urvashi pada,
Isaindhu Thalangal poda,
Meenakshi Priyal Kondada (Kannunja ...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Swung she, our Garland of Gold,
For the first time,
In the golden swing,
And happy she became.
Ecstasic In the golden Swing,
And in love with the Lord of all (Swung she ...)
Daughter of great ma,
Gaily made up to the toe,
Remover of sins of devotees,
The lotus girl who is haughty (Swung she ...)
With her movements pretty,
Swung the chains hither and thither,
From the sky sang the great Urvashi,
And all people around kept the beats,
With Our darling Meenakshi's praise (Swung she ...)
2. Laali
Palale Kalalambi,Pattale Thudaithu,
Muthana pengal ellam, Muvarumai Chutta Lali
Ganga Jalangal Kondu, Mangayargal Devi,
Mani vilakkai kayyil endi - Valaya Vandu Chuttha Lali
Deva Thanthi than Muzhanga- Devargal Pugazha,
Pathinettu Vadhiyamum - Pugazh Divya Muzhanga Lali
(Translated in to free English verse)
Washing his feet with milk divine,
Drying his feet with the softest silk,
Three pearl like women go round and round Laali
One lady great,
Carrying the holy waters of Ganges,
The goddess of women carrying,
A lustrous lamp divine,
They go round and round Laali
Music pretty from strings of God,
With Gods blessing from the sky,
Eighteen accompaniments,
Singing their praise, Laali
C: Songs sung During Nalangu
1. Invitation to Nalangu by bride
a. Vaarum, Vaarum Nalangida, Sri Vamana Avaatharare,
Theerum, Theerum, En Kavalai,Theertha Ramachandrare,
Azhi Pettha Kayyile- Kanayazhi Modiram Minnave,
Thozhimarudan Koodi- thottathil Vilayadave (Varum ...)
Atchudanada Moorthiye- Pachai Kavacham Podave.
Atchutarum Lakshmiyum, Ichai udane Koodiye (Varum ...)
Please come, please come for putting Nalangu,
He who was born as Vamana,
Put an end, put an end,
To all my worries, Hey Ramachandra.
In the hand that was born to the sea,
The Lustrous ring sparkling bright,
Please come to make merry,
In the garden beautiful,
With my lovely friends all around (Please come ...)
Hey God who is Atchutha,
For wearing the shirt of green,
Come with Lakshmi and Achutha,
With lovelorn face, (Please come ...)
b. Varum Nalangida Varum,
Tharum Pathaathai,
Vandennai Aat Kollum,
Vasudeva maindare.
Thandai Chilambu Kalal- Tavazhndu Vilayadi
Thappamal Jala Kreedai -Adiya Paadam (Varum Nalangida ...)
Gokulam Thannil Gopa Streeguladane,
Koodi Vilayadi - Kondadiya Padam (Varum Nalangida ...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Welcome to you sir, welcome,
Extend your feet
For putting the Nalangu,
Come and conquer me,
Oh, Son of Vasudeva.
With the feet wearing jingling anklets,
Playing lying down in the floor,
The feet that played with love,
Inside the water,
The feet which danced with love (Welcome ...)
In the hoary Gokula,
With winsome Gopis,
Played this feet with love,
And became ecstasic (Welcome ...)
2. songs sung during nalangu ceremony
a. Nalangidugiral Meena Lochani,
Nadarudan Vandu Kooda,
Naradarum Nalla Ganangalai Pada,
Nana Vida Taalam Poda,
Nalangidugiral Meena Lochani.
Neela Varna Divya Manjalai Edutthu,
Nithyanandarai Kurithu,
Poorithu, Bhoopathi Padathile Ittal,
Pushpa Haram Marbil Pottal. (Nalangidugiral ...)
Swarna Panneer Chombai-Jothi eduthal,
Sundareswarar Mel Thelithal,
Vasanai Kalanda Parimalam Poosinal,
Vanangi Chamaram Veesinal (Nalangidugiral ...)
Vistharamai Neenda Nettiyai Thottal,
Kasthuri Thilagangal Ittal,
Malligaiyai Chelli Kai Ale Thelithal,
Maha devar Veniyile Mudithal (Nalangidugiral ...)
Thanga Thambalam Thaga Thaga endru Eduthal,
Thamboolangaludan Koduthal,
Munnale Nandraga Pathiyam Padithal,
Meenakshi Priyal Manasai Sada Pidithal (Nalangidugiral ...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Our girl Meenalochani,
Is Putting Nalangu.
When she came with her husband,
Narada sang beautiful songs,
And all kept different beats.
Taking the blue coloured divine turmeric,
Thinking of him who is happy for ever,
With happiness filling her mind,
She put Nalangu on the feet of her king. (Our girl Meenalochani ...)
Golden pitcher with scented water she took,
And sprinkled on the God of beauty
And applied she scented balms,
And also fanned him with peacock feathers (Our Girl Meenalochani ...)
She caressed his wide long forehead,
And applied round dot with musk divine,
And took jasmine flowers in a lot,
And put it in his made up hair. (Our girl Meenalochani ...)
She took a glittering gold plate,
And gave him with Thamboola,
And also sang nice Pathiyams,
And thus our darling Meenakshi caught hold of his mind.
(Our girl Meenalochani ...)
b. Groom singing to the bride
Varai, Rukmani Devi, Nerai En Mugathai Parai,
Nalangida Pathathai Tharai. Magizhvaga (Varai ...)
Vanchanai Cheydha, Pey Uyir Thuncha Vendra Mayan,
Kanchala nethran Kaiyal -Manjal Poosigiren. (Varai ...)
Mandra giriyai Sumandirarukku amritham,
Vindai ayi eenda kaiyale, Chandanam Poosigeren (Varai ...)
Vala Karathil Azhi dharithirukkum Vasudevan,
Thilaga pottidugiren Thiru nettiyil nerai (Varai ...)
Theembu cheyda Kaliya paambil meedil nadithon,
Aambal malar vayan kaiyal Thamboolam tharugiren (Varai ...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Come my Rugmani, See my face straight,
Extend your feet for putting Nalangu,
With all the happiness in the world.
He who has not deceived any one,
He who has killed all the bad devils galore,
He who has beautiful black eyes,
Am applying turmeric paste on you, oh dear (Come my ...)
He who took the Mandara Mountain,
With his hand, in times of yore,
Applies with his magical hands Sandal on you, oh dear (Come my ...)
Me the great Vasudeva,
Who wears the ocean in his right hand,
Am putting thilaka,
On your forehead straight, Oh dear (Come my ...)
He who danced on the head,
Of the evil Serpent Kaliya,
Am giving you with my lotus hand,
Thamboola to you, Oh dear. (Come my ...)
c. Pathiyam (sung by the bride)
En Prana Rajare, Eerezhu Loka Vasare,
Manayvi Nan Chollu Mozhiyai Magizhndu Kelum
Pathiye Deiyvam Endru enni Bhakthiyal Poojai Panni,
Nithiyamum Nan Ummai sevikka Venum
Kodi Manmada Roopa, Koodi Ennalana Mattum,
Nadiye Panividai Nan Nadathugiren
Adile Apacharam Ayiram Nan Cheydalum,
Upacharamagave Grahithu
Kuttangal Ethanai Nan Cheyda Podum,
Chittathil Vaikamal Kshamithu Parum,
Prana Saga Pol Ennai Anaithu alum.
(Translated in to free English verse)
The King of my soul, my darling,
He who lives in all the seven worlds,
Hear with attention and be happy forever,
These words told by me, your wife, darling.
I should always darling,
Think of you as my only God,
And be of service to you, darling,
Always and always.
Darling mine who is like thousand cupids,
I will try always in the best possible way, darling,
To do all your work, my darling.
In that even if I, my darling,
Make one thousand mistakes,
You should take them as proper love, my darling.
Oh my darling, treat me as thine,
Dear bosom friend,
And embrace and pardon all the mistakes, I do.
d. Pathiyam (sung by the bride)
Soma Suryavanni nayanasu sareeramellam,
Chornthirukka Vendiya Karanangal enna.
Surukkai inda sangadiyai, surukkai en karanam ketka,
Kapadamillamale, Urayum Nanna
Mohiniyai Kandu Bhogikka Asai kondu.
Hariyidathil Apamana patta manna-
Mosam Cheythu munivar pathinigalai thodarnthu,
Padivritha bhangam Cheytha Prabhu Neeranna
Vervayal Annai Thantha Salvai Nananchu Poche,
Visala lalada basmam azhiyalache,
Nalu Nariyargal Arindal enakku eche,
Nan enna thavam cheytheno, enakku Vache.
(Translated in to free English verse)
Oh Darling mine,
Why should you look so worn.
Please darling mine,
Tell all the reasons for this first.
Did you follow Mohini,
And got insulted by Hari, Oh darling mine.
Did you deceive the sages fine,
And followed their wives dear,
And insulted them, oh darling mine
Oh darling mine,
Why is the shirt,
Given by your mummy, so wet,
And oh why, your forehead broad,
Is full of water darling mine.
When four ladies know,
About thee, darling mine,
They will abuse me, darling mine.
What penance did I, darling mine,
To get an husband like you, darling mine.
e. Pathiyam (sung by the groom or groom's party)
Kan mani, Rukhmani, Ennudaya Bhooshani,
Kanaka Oyyari, nee Kamalavadani -
Minnal Oli Pondra Nee, Vinnor Paniyum nee,
Vilangave Ulagathil Vandavalum nee,
Swarna Prathamai nee, Jyothi Maya Roopini,
Prasanna Vadivum nee, Por Kodiyum nee,
Kannal Karubum nee, Karkandu Rasamum nee,
Unnadamana Thoru Utta then nee,
Chennal Vilaynthidum, Suka vasi niye,
Singamanador, Vachani neeye,
Karunai Kadal Pondra Gunamum Neeye,
Kalyana Guna Seela Vadani Varai.
(Translated in to free English verse)
Darling, Oh Darling,
Rukhmani, oh my darling,
Ornament mine, Golden girl mine,
You are lotus faced, Oh my darling.
You are like the streak of lightning, Darling,
You were the darling in heaven too,
Ere you came to light, this world, oh darling.
You are a doll of gold, oh darling,
You are made of light, oh darling,
You are a pleasant faced one, oh darling,
You are a golden tendril, oh darling.
You are the sweetest cane, oh darling,
You are the juice of sugar, oh darling,
You are the sweetest of honey, oh darling.
You are the pleasure house, oh darling,
You are lion like brave, oh darling,
You are the ocean of mercy, oh darling
You are a pleasant faced one, oh darling.
f. Pathiyam (sung by the groom or groom's party)
Sandegam, kollade, endan mel -
Sathiyamai Cholgiren, idai kelai.
Chandira Bimba Mandahasi undan -
Chengaram chindai magizhndu piditha nalai -
Soppanathil Analum e prapancha madargalai -
Sugithu Nan Anaithahthillai, en tholal
Surasenan sudani Petta en sugumariye,
Suthu endru Ariyadennai Sugithu Alai
Para Paksha Kashtangalai Chumanthu Nane -
Bana Bhadran Sathruvai Jeyikka ponen -
Komalakara Kuyile, endan kudumba mane,
Kopam Kollamal ennai Koodadi En thene.
(Translated in to free English verse)
My heart of hearts,
Don't doubt me for a minute please,
I will tell you, all the truth,
Please hear this, oh darling mine.
My heart of hearts,
From the day, I held your hands,
Oh darling with a moon faced smile,
Even in dream, oh darling mine,
I have never held in my pleasing hands,
No lady of earth except thee. Oh darling mine
The daughter of son of Surasena,
I am innocent and plain, darling mine,
Hold me with you darling mine.
Carrying all thine doubts, darling mine,
I went to fight enemies of Bana Bhadra,
Hey, beautiful nightingale mine,
Hey, gazelle of family mine,
Leave this anger and become one with me, darling mine
g. Song teasing groom's mother
Engal Sambandi,
Sappidave Mattal.
Vegu Sangojakkari
Idliyile 200,
Thayir Vadayile 500,
Puliyodarayum,
Venpongalum,
Kai Murukkum Boondhi Laddum,
Then kuzhalum,
Vida Vidamaga,
Oru Kai Parapal ... (Engal Sambandhi ...)
Amerikka Badam,
Arabia Pereechai,
Irakkin Pistaa,
Kashmir Akroot,
Kumkuma poo potta,
Karkandu Palai,
Kudam Kudamaga,
Kudithe Theerpal ... (Engal sambandhi ...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Our daughter's mother in law,
Never takes food, never -
If it is Idlis, she takes but 200,
If it is Thair Vadai she takes only 500,
She also takes,
Varieties and Varieties,
Of Puliyodarai, Ven Pongal,
Kai Murukku, Boondhi, laddu,
And then kuzhal lots and lot,
But ... (Our daughter's mother ...)
She only drinks, poor lady pots and pots of milk,
If mixed niced with crystal sugar,
American Badam,
Dates from Arabia,
Pista from Iraq,
Akroot from Kashmir,
And ofcourse lot of saffron,
But ... (our daughter's mother in law ...)
Appendix-2: Some legal clarifications of a Hindu marriage
Q: What are the prohibited degrees in a Hindu marriage?
The following would come within prohibited degrees of relationship with regard
to Hindus:
a. If one party to the marriage is a lineal ascendant of the other;
b. If one of the parties to the marriage is the wife or husband of a lineal
ascendant or descendant;
c. Marriage between a man and his brother's wife or uncle's wife or his
grandfather's or grandmothers' brother's wife;
d. Marriage between:
i. brother and sister;
ii. uncle and niece;
iii. aunt and nephew;
iv. children of brother and sister;
v. children of sisters;
vi. children of brothers.
However the Hindu Marriage Act recognizes the marriages mentioned above if the
custom or usage applicable to the parties to the marriage permits such
marriages. Only if their custom or usage does not permit such marriages would
the parties be held to be within prohibited degrees of relationship. Custom that
allows such marriages should be ancient, certain and reasonable and should not
be opposed to public policy, decency or morality
Q: What ceremonies should be observed to solemnize a Hindu Marriage?
Hindu marriage can be solemnised according to the customary rites and ceremonies
of either the bride or the bridegroom. Customary rites and ceremonies mean
religious rites traditionally performed by the caste or community to which the
bride or bridegroom belong. It should be shown that such custom has been
followed definitely from ancient times and the members of the caste, community
or sub-caste had recognized such ceremonies as obligatory. Rites and ceremonies
consistently followed for more than 25 years within a particular community and
had been uniformly observed and not discontinued at any point of time would be
said to be customary rites and ceremonies for the solemnization of a valid legal
marriage. According to the Arya Samaj rites, the invocation before the sacred
fire and the sapthapadi are essential ceremonies.
Q: What is sapthapadi?
Sapthapadi symbolizes those aspects of life, which the parties to a marriage
undertake to share in togetherness. The seven steps taken stand for the vows
they make before the almighty. It is only on taking the seventh step that the
marriage would be said to be solemnized
Q: Is sapthapadi, i. e., the custom of the bride and bridegroom taking seven
steps, an essential part of a Hindu Marriage?
If the customary rites and ceremonies traditionally performed by the caste or
community, to which the bride or the bridegroom belong, do not include 'sapthapadi
gaman', it would not be an essential part of the marriage. If it is proved that
'sapthapadi', is not a part of the ceremony it need not be performed. Otherwise
'sapthapadi' remains an essential ceremony in a Hindu marriage.
Q: Would a marriage be valid on the observance only of sapthapadi?
Where 'sapthapadi' and invocation before the fire is observed, without observing
the customary ceremonies, which are neither ancient and definite nor obligatory
and unalterable, such marriage would still be valid.
Appendix-3. Making arrangements for the marriage by the bride's parents - Some
points
The iyer marriages (98%) of the rites and rituals are arranged by the bride's
father. Since this is a complex duty, some of the arrangements, which he should
not loose sight of are mentioned here:
1. Preliminary Discussion with the Bridegrooms parents.
The brides father should discuss the following points with the grooms father
preferably after the Nischayathartham performed in the groom's house: -
a. Suitable and convenient date for the marriage (He should also take in to
consideration the convenience of the bride and her mother)
b. Dowry, ornaments, vessels and other items expected by the grooms family.
c. The amount of money needed to be paid for the suit to be worn by the groom
during reception.
d. Ring size of the groom.
e. Slipper size of the groom.
f. Design of the Thali (What pattern has to be inscribed on it)
g. Approximate number of guests accompanying the groom.
h. The Cheer. This should include the number of large Murukkus (With Vari
number), muthuswaram, Laddu, Neyyappam or Adhirasam, Mysorepak and quantity of
Thirattupal. Also the number of packets of Small murukku and two sweets each
packed separately in cover. (this is for distribution of the groom's party to
their relatives and friends. Any special demand by the groom's party should be
noted.
i. Find out whether they would bring their own Vadhyar and if not whether it is
necessary to arrange a separate Vadhyar for them locally.
j. Request them to inform their travel plan sufficiently early.
k. Exact name of the grooms father, mother and groom for printing the marriage
invitation by the brides family. Care should be taken to print the name of the
groom and bride as they appear in their passport, if they are going abroad after
the marriage.
l. Find out the addresses of their close relatives to whom invitation letters
have to be posted by the bride's father.
m. The number of copy of the full set of Albums and Video cassettes required by
them. If the groom lives abroad find out whether, it has to be in what mode and
whether they require it in a CD.
n. Find out whether they require any hotel rooms to be booked for the groom's
friends and other VIPs.
2. Fixing up of a hall
This is possibly one of the very important aspects of the work to be done. Most
of the good halls are booked very early. If necessary help of few friends who
have their own vehicles can be requested. The major consideration is the number
of guests expected to attend the function, the timing of the Vritham,
Nischayathartham, Marriage reception and the travel programme of the groom's
family. Since most of the Groom's relatives and friends are new to the place
where marriage is conducted, sufficient accommodation should be available in the
Hal. If it is not available alternate accommodation has to be searched. Once the
hall is located and available on the day of the marriage, it should be booked
for a minimum of two days. It is important to find out from the manager of the
hall
a. Number of Chairs available in the hall
b. The number of chairs available in the dining hall
c. The number of rooms available (whether all of them have attached bath rooms
and if not the number of common bath rooms),Personally inspect how neat they
are. Also find out whether hot water facility for bath is available.
d. Whether they will provide the vessels and stow with the hall free?
e. Whether there is a generator in the hall?
f. Whether there is provision for extra decoration with them?
g. Whether they have a swing for the Oonchal ceremony?
h. Whether they have Homa Kunda for performing homa.
i. The number of servants who are available with the hall and their
remuneration.
j. The number of cars that can be parked inside the compound.
k. At what time the hall will be handed over to them and when it has to be
handed back.
Before leaving find out the correct name, address, telephone number, telegram
address if any of the hall and also the transport facility to the hall from
different parts of the town. Make a list of bus numbers passing near by.
3. Fixing the Marriage contractor.
Nowadays it has become a practice to fix up the cook cum contractor to help us
conduct the marriage. He normally takes care of the food aspect of the marriage
function. He also supplies the Cheer to be given, fixes the Nadaswaram, supplies
all the traditional necessities of the marriages during the marriage including
flowers. Once a good contractor who is not too busy on the day of marriage is
located, you have to inform him:
1. The menu for breakfast, lunch, tiffin time and dinner for the two days of the
marriage and approximate number of expected guests during each time. Normally
one of these times the marriage reception will be held. Detailed menu for the
reception also should be told to him.
2. He should be told about the cheer items to be supplied to the Sambandi as
well as the requirements for the bride's family.
3. He should be told about the number of Kuttis which he has to supply along
with specification of the filling like cashew nut, boondhi, paruppu thengai etc.
He would normally take charge of the following items:
1. Mangala Vadhyam
2. Flowers, garlands as required
3. Materials required by the priests
4. Thamboolam packets for the guests attending the marriage
5. Coconuts for Sambandhi
6. Putting of Kolams as and when required
7. Materials for Arathi, Pachaipudi
Some of them will also arrange
1. Photographer and video coverage
2. Decoration of the hall
It is essential at this stage to make extensive consultation with friends or
relatives who have already arranged marriages so that the contract money be
fixed at reasonable limits.
4. Fixing the priest to conduct the marriage.
If the marriage is being arranged in our normal place of residence, the priest
would necessarily be our family priest. If not through known people we have to
fix the priest. He would be the best person to fix up the muhurtham lagnam for
the marriage. The contract rate for him to conduct the marriage (bride's party)
should be also settled at that time. If the groom's party wanted us to arrange a
priest for them, the same priest could be told about that also.
5. Printing of marriage invitations
It is essential to know about the name of the groom and his parents clearly
before this is attempted. The groom should be asked whether he wants his
qualification and designation should be put in the invitation. It is extremely
important to spell the name of the groom and bride as it appears in the
passport, if they are intending to get visa to a foreign country. Any good
printing house will have several models and a suitable invitation could be
chosen. Some families believe in printing a traditional invitation in Tamil
apart from the regular invitations. If this is necessary, arrangements should be
made for that also.
If it is proposed to have a music concert during the reception, the artist
concerned should be contacted and fixed before printing the invitation.
(a) Purchase of silk saris for the bride and others
This is a very important purchase. It is necessary to decide where these are to
be taken. Apart from the 9 yards Koorai Pudavai, a minimum of 4 saris for the
following occasions have to be taken:
1. Nischayathartham
2. Kannoonchal
3. Shanthi Muhurtham
4. Thozhi Pongal
It is also customary to buy a silk sari for the mother of the bride, brides
sisters, her brother's wives,Mami and Athai. Also a sambandi Pudavai for the
groom's mother has to be purchased. Little girl children of the family also get
Pattu Pavadai. In view of the economy, it is preferable to purchase all these at
this time.
(b) Purchase of Veshti and Uttariyam for the groom and Materials for Kasi Yatrai
The groom has to be given a Pattu Veshti and Uttariyam. Vratha Pattu). Besides
Two grand Veshtis with lot of zari border (cotton) has to be purchased for him
to wear during Kasi Yatrai. One more extra set of Veshti has to be presented to
him.
For Kasi yatrai, it is necessary to purchase an umbrella, a walking stick, a
hand held fan, a holy book and slippers.
6. Making of the thali
It is a custom to give order for this on a shubha muhurtham day. In olden times
the gold smiths used to come to the bride's house and start melting the gold
during a muhurtham. Apart from the two thalis the other paraphernalia like Gold
Kundoos also should be made.
7. Ordering for jewels
Most of the families do have all the necessary jewels for the bride. It may be
necessary to give them a special polish. It may also be necessary to make a few
more ornaments for the bride based on modern fashion. Since most of the girls
transfer the thali from the yellow Kayiru to a Kodi after the marriage, it is
necessary to make one such kodi, with a provision for putting the thalis in
that.
It is necessary at this time to order for a ring to the groom. Most families
also put a gold chain to him during the Nischayathartham.
It is also necessary to have a pair of Pudupanam for the Dharma Virtual
function. If not available two small gold coins of the least weight possible can
be got made.
8. Silver vessels
Most of the groom's parents expect a few silver vessels. The most essential are
panchapathram and Uddarani for the groom, silver lamp(some families insist on a
pair of lamps) and silver Kukuma Chimizh. It is also essential to purchase two
silver cups called Madhuparka Kinnam.
In addition a silver plate for taking meals for the bride and the groom is also
is usually given. Two small silver cups for receiving and drinking Palum
Pazhamam would avoid lot of problem when this ceremony is going on.
9. Brass vessels
For the Oonchal, it is necessary to buy two lamps, two thambalams and two
Chombus made of brass.
10. Purchasing of mats
It is a custom to inscribe the names of the bride and groom on the mat given
during the marriage. If this is decided upon, then it is necessary to get them
made. This is available only in few centers of Kerala and Tamil Nadu. But if
ordinary mats only are to be given, these are readily available.
11. Posting of Invitations
This is a very time consuming job. Close relatives expect a personal letter
along with the invitation. Nowadays it is got separately printed. It is better
to consult as many relatives and friends as possible so that no important person
is missed from the list of invitees.
It is also necessary to identify the persons to whom the special invitations
printed in tamil has to be sent.
A personal hand written letter has to accompany the invitations being send to
very senior elders of the family.
It is a custom to personally go to the Groom's parents house along with Coconut,
Thamboola, flowers etc and inform them of the marriage. If any brides relations
stay near the place of the groom they can do it on behalf of the bride's
parents.
If there are any near relatives of the groom staying in the same town as the
bride's parents, they also should be invited personally with coconut, thamboola
and flowers.
12. Arrangement for a photo and videographer
It is necessary to get a professional who has covered iyer marriages before.
Unless this is done, it would be necessary to put along with him somebody who is
conversant with the marriage function, so that the function is covered nicely.
It is necessary at this stage to tell the photographer the number of rolls that
he has to expose. Taking a picture does not mean it has to be printed. A
professional can give only few best photos of each occasion. The videographer
has to be told, the number of copies that he has to make. If it has to be copied
in a CD, this again has to be told to him.
13. Arrangement of Transport.
Though a transport contractor has to picked up based on the charges as well as
the number of good vehicles he has, the micro arrangements have to be made only
a day before the marriage. If the grooms party is arriving together, it may be
necessary to hire a van. If not a two or three cars will suffice. But it is
important to note that adequate arrangements should be made to give transport to
the groom's pary. It would be better to give them control of the vehicle, so
that they can use it as and when they like.
14. Inviting local guests
This is another aspect of the marriage which is very strenuous and needs lot of
planning. Initially a list of people should be made and then each and every one
of the house should be asked to go through it. Later a detailed plan as well as
a time table should be drawn up. If older relatives like brothers or sisters or
sons and daughters who are married live with you or in the same town, they can
be asked to share this onerous work. They can invite on behalf of you. Nowadays,
more and more use of the telephone is being made. The invitations can be posted
as usual and can be followed up by a telephone conversations.
15. Purchase of presents to near relatives and honoured guests
This is another item that needs detailed planning. Normally the elder and old
enough younger sisters of the bride, her sister in laws are presented with a
silk sari for the marriage. The budget depends on our capacity to spend.
Similarly it is also a custom to present saris to the paternal and maternal
aunts. It is also necessary to purchase suitable presents to the cousins of the
bride. Sometimes cash present is made to them, so that they can choose their own
presents. It has also become customary to give token presents to all women
guests during the marriage. But all these need to be discussed among the nearest
family members and decision taken based on our capacity to spend.
It is also a custom to present very close male relatives with Veshti and
Uttariyam. The requirement should be estimated and sufficient quantity
purchased.
16. Contacting the Grooms party and finding out their travel plans
Since the groom's party normally comes from some other place, it is necessary to
receive as many of them as possible and provide them transport to the hall. So a
very clear timetable of their arrival should be drawn up. It would also be
necessary to ask them whether they need any arrangements made for their return
reservations.
17. Sumangali Prarthanai
This is normally observed before the marriage. Arrangements of the function and
its conduct vary from family to family. This should be conducted according to
the family traditions. But normally a 9 yards sari is taken and presented to one
of the sumangalis and one Pavadai is presented to a the girl invitee.
18. Arranging for a beautician
Most of the brides want to be made up by a talented beautician of their choice
for the reception. If this is so, her time should be booked. If the beautician
can come and do her job at the hall itself. There is nothing better. Before this
the brides do decorate their hands with Mehandhi (marudhani). If there is no
expert in the family circles, arrangements for this also needs to be made.
19. Two days before the marriage
Close relatives would start arriving from various destinations to the marriage.
It is necessary to accommodate them properly and look after them. Since most of
them are closely related it is hoped they would not mind some slight
discomforts. It is better to employ a cook to take care of the cooking in the
house on this day, so that the bride's parents are available to look after last
minute final details and also to look after several guests. If closely related
relatives come forward, they can be entrusted with different aspects of the
marriage like transport, looking after Sambandi, etc.
It is essential to procure sufficient number of locks and duplicate keys to the
different rooms in the hall. Since the grooms party are to be properly looked
after, it is better to keep a few pieces of toilet soaps, combs, mirrors, tooth
brushes, paste, kumkum tins, Vibhuthi, use and throw shaving sticks etc. this is
to help those people who forget these things while coming to the marriage. If
the hall does not provide beds, bedspreads, pillows etc, arrangements should be
made to hire these also. A very detailed plan of the programme for the next two
days should be drawn up and individual responsibilities assigned. Also all
things to be taken to the hall are to be packed properly.
If the vritham is the next day morning, the toilet items purchased for the groom
along with oil, Payaru, Vellam and sweet should reach the grooms party early in
the morning and is traditionally given by the aunt of the bride. Nowadays it is
a custom to give a full toilet set to the groom during this occasion. This
should consist of toothbrush, toothpaste, Shaving set, mirror, toilet powder,
hair oil and comb.
This is also the time for the lady of the house to plan as to the
responsibilities like palikai, oonchal, arathi etc to the different female
relatives.
20. One day before the marriage
This day could be extremely busy, if the vritham is on this day morning and the
repetition is being held in the evening. If these are not there the day would
not be hat tight.
The most important activity is to receive the groom's party in a proper way. As
soon as they get down from the car, the groom's parents are to be honourably
received with Thirattu pal, thamboolam, coconut etc along with mangala vadhyam.
The groom should be garlanded during the occasion by the bride's father or her
brother. Also Arathi should be arranged to prevent evil eyes. Then they should
be lead to their quarters and made comfortable. If there is Vritham, they should
be called to that function in a traditional manner with coconuts and paruppu
thengai kutti. It is normal t observe the Kappu Kattal to the bride
simultaneously. If this is only next day, then arrangements should be made for
their breakfast and then lunch.
Normally the first function is Mappilai Azhaippu and Nischayathartham. A
decorated car has to be got ready for the Mappilai Azaippu. Normally this is not
included in the contractors duties. A near by temple also has to be identified
and the priest of the temple informed in advance for the Pooja. It is important
to see that the VIPs of the grooms side are escorted to this function in a
proper way. Old people have to be provided transport.
If the reception is held after the Nischayathartham, then the beautician should
be forewarned about the timings, Either she should be brought to the hall or the
bride taken to her place in time.
The guests for the reception should be received at the entrance by a very small
group consisting of members from both bride's and groom's side. Teen age or
younger girls belonging to both families do mostly this. Both families should
assign some one elder to recognize the VIPs arriving to the function. It is
necessary to introduce the bride's family guests to the groom and very important
ones to his parents. For this purpose the bride's parents should always be near
the stage. It is better to entrust other important responsibility like
accompanying the guests to the dinner etc to other relatives and friends. Most
of these guests will not be coming for the marriage. So it is essential that the
Thamboola packets be distributed to them while they are leaving.
If the Vritham has not taken place that day, it is essential to see that the
materials for Vritham to the groom reaches them before they retire.
21. The day of the marriage
Most of the functions on this day would go like clock work, thanks to the
experienced contractors and priests. But it is essential that all guests are
received properly and given break fast if they come early. It is also essential
to enquire from the groom's side as to any problem they face and solve it. The
bride's parents would be extremely tied up with the ceremonies for most of the
forenoon (till Mangalya Dharanam). So it is essential to identify capable people
and delegate responsibilities to them. The bride's mother has to decide as to
who will participate in the Oonchal and Paligai from her side. She should ask
the groom's mother to nominate 2 members from her side who will participate in
the paligai from her side. She should also think in advance the people from her
side who will participate in the paligai in the goom's side. It is also
essential that she decides in advance about her relatives who will participate
in the alathi in different occasions. She should also keep an experienced lady
relative in tying 9 yards sari to the bride. She should also delegate the
responsibility of giving presents to her friends after the end of the function
to her friends and relatives.
Early morning the veshtis and Uttariyams purchased should be distributed to the
male relatives, Similarly the saris purchased also needs to be distributed. This
is either done in an informal way by simply handing it over to them or ask the
eldest member of the brides relatives to hand it over individually in a formal
function. One male relative should be entrusted with expenditure and receipt of
money. As and when sudden demands are there for cash, he should be in a position
to meet it. He also should receive all cash presents and neatly account it. He
would hand over to the priest the cash presents to the sister of the groom who
ties the second and third knots of the thali. This is normally the same amount
as the groom's party gives to the brother of the bride after laja homam. Other
expected expenditures are Sambhavana for the Mutts and various small amounts of
dakshinas as directed by the priest.
All the preliminary purchases made for various functions should be available in
the hall. It is essential to see that the coconuts, thamboola bags and cheer
items to the groom's party handed over to their representative in time.
Immediately after the marriage the groom and bride are taken to the groom's
quarters and brides house for giving them Palum Pazhamum. Somebody should be
deputed to go to the house slightly early and make it presentable to receive the
guests. After that the registration of the marriage should be done. This can be
done easily, if preliminary arrangements are made for the same. If by chance the
groom and bride are little delayed, their lunch with the important members of
both families should be retained. This is important because sometimes, if much
larger number of guests come, the material cooked would not be sufficient.
Most of the guests would like to meet the brides parents before they go. If
palaharams and presents are to be distributed to them, arrangements should be
made for the same.
If there is Nalangu this should be arranged in the after noon. Though most of
the brides party would be dead tired before evening, it is necessary to treat
the groom and his guests in a befitting manner. They should be provided
transport to the bus stand or railway station as and when they want it.
While all this is going on arrangements should be given a final shape to the
nuptials. According to sastras it should be held in the boys house but now it is
a custom to hold it on the day of marriage. It can either be held in brides home
or in a convenient hotel. But it is essential that the views of the bridegroom
and his parents be ascertained before arranging it in a hotel. Somebody should
be put in charge of decorating the room and taking there essentials like a lamp,
milk to drink, flowers, fruits etc.
If bulk of the groom's guests depart on the same evening, it would be necessary
to give them food packets for the way. The marriage contractor normally supplies
this. It is a custom to supply Kattu Chadam to the departing guests of the
groom's party.
Normally there is a feast for dinner on that day. But some people prefer simple
meals. The wishes of the groom's party should be ascertained regarding this.
A few of the people accompanying the groom normally stay over to the next day.
They should be well taken care of. If the Mantap has to be vacated, then they
should be provided alternative accommodation.
On the next day tall the groom's party would depart. It is essential to give
them Kattuchadam and also provide them transport.
It is also essential that some elder relatives accompany the bride and groom
when they depart to their house. Arrangements for their reservation (if they are
going by train) should be done well in advance.
In some cases the father in law (bride's father) foots the bill for the
Honeymoon of the couple. Again early arrangements for journey and stay have to
be made.