Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna [2]

Monday, January 4, 1886

It was the fourteenth day of the dark fortnight of the moon. At four o'clock in the afternoon Sri Ramakrishna was sitting in his room. He told M. that Ram Chatterji had come from the Kali temple at Dakshineswar to inquire about his health. He asked M. whether it was now very cold at the temple garden.

Narendra arrived. Now and then the Master looked at him and smiled. It appeared to M. that that day the Master's love for his beloved disciple was boundless. He indicated to M. by a sign that Narendra had wept. Then he remained quiet. Again he indicated that Narendra had cried all the way from home.

No one spoke. Narendra broke the silence.

NARENDRA: "I have been thinking of going there today."

MASTER: "Where?"

NARENDRA: "To Dakshineswar. I intend to light a fire under the bel-tree and meditate."

MASTER: "No, the authorities of the powder-magazine will not allow it. The Panchavati is a nice place. Many sadhus have practised japa and meditation there. But it is very cold there. The place is dark, too."

Again for a few moments, all sat in silence.

MASTER (to Narendra, smiling): "Won't you continue your studies?"

NARENDRA (looking at the Master and M.): "I shall feel greatly relieved if I find a medicine that will make me forget all I have studied."

The elder Gopal, who was also in the room, said, "I shall accompany Narendra."

Kalipada Ghosh had brought a box of grapes for Sri Ramakrishna; it lay beside the Master. The Master gave Narendra a few and poured the rest on the floor for the devotees to pick up.

It was evening. Narendra was sitting in a room downstairs. He was smoking and describing to M. the yearning of his soul. No one else was with them.

NARENDRA: "I was meditating here last Saturday when suddenly I felt a peculiar sensation in my heart."

M: "It was the awakening of the Kundalini."

NARENDRA: "Probably it was. I clearly perceived the Ida and the Pingala nerves. I asked Hazra to feel my chest. Yesterday I saw him [meaning the Master] upstairs and told him about it. I said to him: 'All the others have had their realization; please give me some. All have succeeded; shall I alone remain unsatisfied?'"

M: "What did he say to you?"

NARENDRA: "He said: 'Why don't you settle your family affairs first and then come to me? You will get everything. What do you want?' I replied, 'It is my desire to remain absorbed in samadhi continually for three or four days, only once in a while coming down to the sense plane to eat a little food,' Thereupon he said to me: 'You are a very small-minded person. There is a State higher even than that. "All that exists art Thou" - it is you who sing that song.'"

M: "Yes, he always says that after coming down from samadhi one sees that it is God Himself who has become the universe, the living beings, and all that exists. The Isvarakotis alone can attain that state. An ordinary man can at the most attain samadhi; but he cannot come down from that state."

NARENDRA: "He [the Master] said: 'Settle your family affairs and then come to me. You will attain a state higher than samadhi.' I went home this morning. My people scolded me, saying: 'Why do you wander about like a vagabond? Your law examination is near at hand and you are not paying any attention to your studies. You wander about aimlessly.'"

M: "Did your mother say anything?"

NARENDRA: "No. She was very eager to feed me. She gave me venison. I ate a little, though I didn't feel like eating meat."

M: "And then?"

NARENDRA: "I went to my study at my grandmother's. As I tried to read I was seized with a great fear, as if studying were a terrible thing. My heart struggled within me. I burst into tears: I never wept so bitterly in my life. I left my books and ran away. I ran along the streets. My shoes slipped from my feet - I didn't know where. I ran past a haystack and got hay all over me. I kept on running along the road to Cossipore."

Narendra remained silent a few minutes and then resumed.

NARENDRA: "Since reading the Vivekachudamani I have felt very much depressed. In it Sankaracharya says that only through great tapasya and good fortune does one acquire these three things: a human birth, the desire for liberation, and refuge with a great soul. I said to myself: 'I have surely gained all these three. As a result of great tapasya I have been born a human being; through great tapasya, again, I have the desire for liberation; and through great tapasya I have secured the companionship of such a great soul.'"

M: "Ah!"

NARENDRA: "I have no more taste for the world. I do not relish the company of those who live in the world - of course, with the exception of one or two devotees."

Narendra became silent again. A fire of intense renunciation was burning within him. His soul was restless tor the vision of God. He resumed the conversation.

NARENDRA (to M.): "You have found peace, but my soul is restless. You are blessed indeed."

M. did not reply, but sat in silence. He said to himself, "Sri Ramakrishna said that one must pant and pine for God; only then may one have the vision of Him."

Immediately after dusk M. went upstairs. He found Sri Ramakrishna asleep.

It was about nine o'clock in the evening. Niranjan and Sashi were sitting near the Master. He was awake. Every now and then he talked of Narendra.

MASTER: "How wonderful Narendra's state of mind is! You see, this very Narendra did not believe in the forms of God. And now you see how his soul is panting for God! You know that story of the man who asked his guru how God could be realized. The guru said to him: 'Come with me. I shall show you how one can realize God.' Saying this, he took the disciple to a lake and held his head under the water. After a short time he released the disciple and asked him, 'How did you feel?' 'I was dying for a breath of air!' said the disciple.

"When the soul longs and yearns for God like that, then you will know that you do not have long to wait for His vision. The rosy colour on the eastern horizon shows that the sun will soon rise."

This day Sri Ramakrishna's illness was worse. In spite of much suffering he said many things about Narendra - though mostly by means of signs.

At night Narendra left for Dakshineswar. It was very dark, being the night of the new moon. He was accompanied by one or two devotees. M. spent the night at the Cossipore garden. He dreamt that he was seated in an assembly of sannyasis.

Tuesday, January 5, 1886

Sri Ramakrishna was sitting on his bed and talking to M. No one else was in the room. It was about four o'clock in the afternoon.

MASTER: "If Kshirode makes a pilgrimage to Gangasagar, then please buy a blanket for him."

M: "Yes, sir."

Sri Ramakrishna was silent a few minutes. Then he continued.

MASTER: "Well, can you tell me what is happening to these youngsters? Some are running off to Puri and some to Gangasagar. All have renounced their homes. Look at Narendra! When a man is seized with the spirit of intense renunciation, he regards the world as a deep well and his relatives as venomous cobras."

M: "Yes, sir. Life in the world is full of suffering."

MASTER: "Yes, it is the suffering of hell - and that from the very moment of birth! Don't you see what a trouble one's wife and children are?"

M: "Yes, sir. You yourself said: 'These youngsters (The Master had meant his young disciples.) have no relationship whatsoever with the world. They owe nothing to the world, nor do they expect anything from it. It is the sense of obligation that entangles a man in the world.'"

MASTER: "Don't you see how Niranjan is? His attitude toward the world is this: 'Here, take what is thine, and give me what is mine.' That is all. He has no further relationship with the world. There is nothing to pull him from behind.

"'Woman and gold' alone is the world. Don't you see that if you have money you want to lay it by?"

M. burst out laughing. Sri Ramakrishna also laughed.

M: "One thinks a great deal before taking the money out. (Both laugh.)

But once you said at Dakshineswar that it is quite different if one is able to live in the world free from the three gunas."

MASTER: "Yes - like a child!"

M: "Yes, sir. But it is exceedingly difficult; it requires tremendous power."

Sri Ramakrishna remained silent.

M: "Yesterday they went to Dakshineswar to meditate. I had a dream."

MASTER: "What did you dream?"

M: "I dreamt that Narendra and some others had become sannyasis. They were sitting around a lighted fire. I too was there. They were smoking tobacco and blowing out puffs of smoke. I told them that I could smell hemp."

MASTER: "Mental renunciation is the essential thing. That, too, makes one a sannyasi."

Sri Ramakrishna kept silent a few minutes and then went on.

MASTER: "But one must set fire to one's desires. Then alone can one succeed."

M: "You said to the pundit of the Marwaris from Burrabazar that you had the desire for bhakti. Isn't the desire for bhakti to be counted as a desire?"

MASTER: "No, just as hinche greens are not to be counted as greens. Hinche restrains the secretion of bile.

"Well, all my joy, all my ecstasy - where are they now?"

M: "Perhaps you are now in the state of mind that the Gita describes as beyond the three gunas. Sattva, rajas, and tamas are performing their own functions, and you yourself are unattached - unattached even to sattva."

MASTER: "Yes, the Divine Mother has put me into the state of a child. Tell me, won't the body live through this illness?"

The Master and M. became silent. Narendra entered the room. He was going home to settle his family affairs.

Since his father's death Narendra had been in great distress about his mother and brothers. Now and then they had been threatened with starvation. Narendra was the family's only hope: they expected him to earn money and feed them. But Narendra could not appear for his law examination; he was passing through a state of intense renunciation. He was going to Calcutta that day to make some provision for the family. A friend had agreed to lend him one hundred rupees. That would take care of the family for three months.

NARENDRA: "I am going home. (To M.) I shall visit Mahimacharan on the way. Will you come with me?"

M. did not want to go. Looking at M., Sri Ramakrishna asked Narendra, "Why?"

NARENDRA: "I am going that way; so I shall stop at Mahima's place and have a chat with him."

Sri Ramakrishna looked at Narendra intently.

NARENDRA: "A friend who comes here said he would lend me a hundred rupees. That will take care of the family for three months. I am going home to make that arrangement."

Sri Ramakrishna remained silent and looked at M.

M. (to Narendra): "No, you go ahead. I shall go later."

Thursday, March 11, 1886

It was eight o'clock in the evening. Sri Ramakrishna was in the big hall on the second floor. Narendra, Sashi, M., Sarat, and the elder Gopal were in the room. Sri Ramakrishna was lying down. Sarat stood by his bed and fanned him. The Master was speaking about his illness.

MASTER: "If some of you go to Dakshineswar and see Bholanath, he will give you a medicinal oil and also tell you how to apply it."

THE ELDER GOPAL: "Then we shall go for the oil tomorrow morning."

M: "If someone goes this evening he can bring the oil."

SASHI: "I can go."

MASTER (pointing to Sarat): "He may go."

After a time Sarat set out for Dakshineswar to get the oil from Bholanath.

The devotees, sitting around Sri Ramakrishna's bed, were silent. Suddenly the Master sat up. He spoke to Narendranath.

MASTER: "Brahman is without taint. The three gunas are in Brahman, but It is Itself untainted by them.

"You may find both good and bad smells in the air; but the air itself is unaffected.

"Sankaracharya was going along a street in Benares. An outcaste carrying a load of meat suddenly touched him. 'What!' said Sankara. 'You have touched me!' 'Revered sir,' said the outcaste, 'I have not touched you nor have you touched me. The Atman is above all contamination, and you are that Pure Atman.'

"Of Brahman and maya, the jnani rejects maya.

"Maya is like a veil. You see, I hold this towel between you and the lamp. You no longer see the light of the lamp."

Sri Ramakrishna put the towel between himself and the devotees.

MASTER: "Now you cannot see my face any more. As Ramprasad said, 'Raise the curtain, and behold!'

"The bhakta, however, does not ignore maya. He worships Mahamaya. Taking refuge in Her, he says: 'O Mother, please stand aside from my path. Only if You step out of my way shall I have the Knowledge of Brahman.' The jnanis explain away all three states - waking, dream, and deep sleep. But the bhaktas accept them all. As long as there is the ego, everything else exists. So long as the 'I' exists, the bhakta sees that it is God who has become maya, the universe, the living beings, and the twenty-four cosmic principles."

Narendra and the other devotees sat silently listening.

MASTER: "But the theory of maya is dry. (To Narendra) Repeat what I said."

NARENDRA: "Maya is dry."

Sri Ramakrishna affectionately stroked Narendra's face and hands, and said: "Your face and hands show that you are a bhakta. But the jnani has different features; they are dry.

"Even after attaining jnana, the jnani can live in the world, retaining vidyamaya, that is to say, bhakti, compassion, renunciation, and such virtues. This serves him two purposes: first, the teaching of men, and second, the enjoyment of divine bliss. If a jnani remains silent, merged in samadhi, then men's hearts will not be illumined. Therefore Sankaracharya kept the 'ego of Knowledge'. And further, a jnani lives as a devotee, in the company of bhaktas, in order to enjoy and drink deep of the Bliss of God.

"The 'ego of Knowledge' and the 'ego of Devotion' can do no harm; it is the 'wicked I' that is harmful. After realizing God a man becomes like a child. There is no harm in the 'ego of a child'. It is like the reflection of a face in a mirror: the reflection cannot call names. Or it is like a burnt rope, which appears to be a rope but disappears at the slightest puff. The ego that has been burnt in the fire of Knowledge cannot injure anybody. It is an ego only in name.

"Returning to the relative plane after reaching the Absolute is like coming back to this shore of a river after going to the other side. Such a return to the relative plane is for the teaching of men and for enjoyment - participation in the divine sport in the world."

Sri Ramakrishna was talking in a very low voice. Addressing the devotees, he said: "The body is so ill, but the mind is free from avidyamaya. Let me tell you, there is no thought in my mind of Ramlal or home or wife. But I have been worrying about Purna, that kayastha boy. I am not in the least anxious about the others.

"It is God alone who has kept this vidyamaya in me, for the good of men, for the welfare of the devotees.

"But if one retains vidyamaya one comes back to this world. The Avatars keep this vidyamaya. So long as a man has even the slightest desire, he must be born again and again. When he gets rid of all desires, then he is liberated. But the bhaktas do not seek liberation.

"If a person dies in Benares he attains liberation; he is not born again. Liberation is the goal of the jnanis."

NARENDRA: "The other day we went to visit Mahimacharan."

MASTER (smiling): "Well?"

NARENDRA: "I have never before met such a dry jnani."

MASTER (smiling): "What was the matter?"

NARENDRA: "He asked us to sing. Gangadhar sang:

Radha is restored to life by hearing her Krishna's name.
She looks about; in front of her she sees a tamala tree.

"On hearing this song, Mahimacharan said: 'Why such songs here? I don't care for love and all that nonsense. Besides, I live here with my wife and children. Why all these songs here?'"

MASTER (to M.): "Do you see how afraid he is?"

Sunday, March 14, 1886

Sri Ramakrishna sat facing the north in the large room upstairs. It was evening. He was very ill. Narendra and Rakhal were gently massaging his feet. M. sat near by. The Master, by a sign, asked him, too, to stroke his feet. M. obeyed.

The previous Sunday the devotees had observed Sri Ramakrishna's birthday with worship and prayer. His birthday the year before had been observed at Dakshineswar with great pomp; but this year, on account of his illness, the devotees were very sad and there was no festivity at all.

The Holy Mother busied herself day and night in the Master's service. Among the young disciples, Narendra, Rakhal, Niranjan, Sarat, Sashi, Baburam, Jogin, Latu, and Kali had been staying with him at the garden house. The older devotees visited him daily, and some of them occasionally spent the night there.

That day Sri Ramakrishna was feeling very ill. At midnight the moonlight flooded the garden, but it could wake no response in the devotees' hearts. They were drowned in a sea of grief. They felt that they were living in a beautiful city besieged by a hostile army. Perfect silence reigned everywhere. Nature was still, except for the gentle rustling of the leaves at the touch of the south wind. Sri Ramakrishna lay awake. One or two devotees sat near him in silence. At times he seemed to doze.

M. was seated by his side. Sri Ramakrishna asked him by a sign to come nearer. The sight of his suffering was unbearable. In a very soft voice and with, great difficulty he said to M.:

"I have gone on suffering so much for fear of making you all weep. But if you all say: 'Oh, there is so much suffering! Let the body die', then I may give up the body."

These words pierced the devotees' hearts. And he who was their father, mother, and protector had uttered these words! What could they say? All sat in silence. Some thought, "Is this another crucifixion - the sacrifice of the body for the sake of the devotees?"

It was the dead of night. Sri Ramakrishna's illness was taking a turn for the worse. The devotees wondered what was to be done. One of them left for Calcutta. That very night Girish came to the garden house with two physicians, Upendra and Navagopal.

The devotees sat near the Master. He felt a little better and said to them: "The illness is of the body. That is as it should be; I see that the body is made of the five elements."

Turning to Girish, he said: "I am seeing many forms of God. Among them I find this one also [meaning his own form]."

Monday, March 15, 1886

About seven o'clock in the morning Sri Ramakrishna felt a little better. He talked to the devotees, sometimes in a whisper, sometimes by signs. Narendra, Rakhal, Latu, M., Gopal of Sinthi, and others were in the room. They sat speechless and looked grave, thinking of the Master's suffering of the previous night.

MASTER (to the devotees): "Do you know what I see right now? I see that it is God Himself who has become all this. It seems to me that men and other living beings are made of leather, and that it is God Himself who, dwelling inside these leather cases, moves the hands, the feet, the heads. I had a similar vision once before, when I saw houses, gardens, roads, men, cattle - all made of One Substance; it was as if they were all made of wax.

"I see that it is God Himself who has become the block, the executioner, and the victim for the sacrifice."

As he describes this staggering experience, in which he realizes in full the identity of all within the One Being, he is overwhelmed with emotion and exclaims, "Ah! What a vision!"

Immediately Sri Ramakrishna goes into samadhi. He completely forgets his body and the outer world. The devotees are bewildered. Not knowing what to do, they sit still.

Presently the Master regains partial consciousness of the world and says: "Now I have no pain at all. I am my old self again."

The devotees are amazed to watch this state of the Master, beyond pleasure and pain, weal and woe.

He casts his glance on Latu and says: "There is Loto. He bends his head, resting it on the palm of his hand. I see that it is God Himself who rests His head on His hand."

Sri Ramakrishna looks at the devotees and his love for them wells up in a thousand streams. Like a mother showing her tenderness to her children he touches the faces and chins of Rakhal and Narendra.

A few minutes later he says to M., "If the body were to be preserved a few days more, many people would have their spirituality awakened."

He pauses a few minutes.

"But this is not to be. This time the body will not be preserved."

The devotees eagerly await the Master's next words.

"Such is not the will of God. This time the body will not be preserved, lest, finding me guileless and foolish, people should take advantage of me, and lest I, guileless and foolish as I am, should give away everything to everybody. In this Kaliyuga, you see, people are averse to meditation and japa."

RAKHAL (tenderly): "Please speak to God that He may preserve your body some time more."

MASTER: "That depends on God's will."

NARENDRA: "Your will and God's will have become one."

Sri Ramakrishna remains silent. He appears to be thinking about something.

MASTER (to Narendra, Rakhal, and the others): "And nothing will happen if I speak to God. Now I see that I and the Mother have become one. For fear of her sister-in-law, Radha said to Krishna, 'Please dwell in my heart.' But when, later on; she became very eager for a vision of Krishna - so eager that her heart pined and panted for her Beloved - He would not come out."

RAKHAL (in a low voice, to the devotees): "He is referring to God's Incarnation as Gauranga."

The devotees sit silently in the room. Sri Ramakrishna looks at them tenderly. Then he places his hand on his heart. He is about to speak.

MASTER (to Narendra and the others): "There are two persons in this. One, the Divine Mother-"

He pauses. The devotees eagerly look at him to hear what he will say next.

MASTER: "Yes, one is She. And the other is Her devotee. It is the devotee who broke his arm, and it is the devotee who is now ill. Do you understand?"

The devotees sit without uttering a word.

MASTER: "Alas! To whom shall I say all this? Who will understand me?"

Pausing a few moments, He says:

"God becomes man, an Avatar, and comes to earth with His devotees. And the devotees leave the world with Him."

RAKHAL: "Therefore we pray that you may not go away and leave us behind."

Sri Ramakrishna smiles and says:

"A band of minstrels suddenly appears, dances, and sings, and it departs in the same sudden manner. They come and they return, but none recognizes them."

The Master and the devotees smile.

After a few minutes he says:

"Suffering is inevitable when one assumes a human body.

"Every now and then I say to myself, 'May I not have to come back to earth again!' But there is something else. After enjoying sumptuous feasts outside, one does not relish cheap home cooking.

"Besides, this assuming of a human body is for the sake of the devotees."

Sri Ramakrishna looks at Narendra very tenderly.

MASTER (to Narendra): "An outcaste was carrying a load of meat. Sankaracharya, after bathing in the Ganges, was passing by. Suddenly the outcaste touched him. Sankara said sharply: 'What! You touched me!' 'Revered sir,' he replied, 'I have not touched you nor have you touched me. Reason with me: Are you the body, the mind, or the buddhi? Analyse what you are. You are the Pure Atman, unattached and free, unaffected by the three gunas - sattva, rajas, and tamas.'

"Do you know what Brahman is like? It is like air. Good and bad smells are carried by the air, but the air itself is unaffected."

NARENDRA: "Yes, sir."

MASTER: "He is beyond the gunas and maya - beyond both the 'maya of knowledge' and the 'maya of ignorance'. 'Woman and gold' is the 'maya of ignorance'. Knowledge, renunciation, devotion, and other spiritual qualities are the splendours of the 'maya of knowledge'. Sankaracharya kept this 'maya of knowledge'; and that you and these others feel concerned about me is also due to this 'maya of knowledge'.

"Following the 'maya of knowledge' step by step, one attains the Knowledge of Brahman. This 'maya of knowledge' may be likened to the last few steps of the stairs. Next is the roof. Some, even after reaching the roof, go up and down the stairs; that is to say, some, even after realizing God, retain the 'ego of Knowledge'. They retain this in order to teach others, taste divine bliss, and sport with the devotees of God."

NARENDRA: "Some people get angry with me when I speak of renunciation."

MASTER (in a whisper): "Renunciation is necessary.

(Pointing to his different limbs) "If one thing is placed upon another, you must remove the one to get the other. Can you get the second thing without removing the first?"

NARENDRA: "True, sir."

MASTER (in a whisper, to Narendra): "When one sees everything filled with God alone, does one see anything else?"

NARENDRA: "Must one renounce the world?"

MASTER: "Didn't I say just now: 'When one sees everything filled with God alone, does one see anything else?' Does one then see any such thing as the world?

"I mean mental renunciation. Not one of those who have come here is a worldly person. Some of them had a slight desire - for instance, a fancy for woman. (Rakhal and M. smile.) And that desire has been fulfilled."

The Master looks at Narendra tenderly and becomes filled with love. Looking, at the devotees, he says, "Grand!"

With a smile Narendra asks the Master, "What is grand?"

MASTER (smiling): "I see that preparations are going on for a grand renunciation."

Narendra and the devotees look silently at the Master. Rakhal resumes the conversation.

RAKHAL (smiling, to the Master): "Narendra is now beginning to understand you rather well."

Sri Ramakrishna laughs and says: "Yes, that is so. I see that many others, too, are beginning to understand. (To M.) Isn't that so?"

M: "Yes, sir."

Sri Ramakrishna turns his eyes to Narendra and M. and by a sign of his finger draws the attention of the devotees to them. He first points out Narendra and then M. Rakhal understands the Master's hint and says to him with a smile, "Don't you mean that Narendra has the attitude of a hero, and he [meaning M.] that of a handmaid of God?"

Sri Ramakrishna laughs.

NARENDRA (smiling, to Rakhal): "He [meaning M.] doesn't talk much and is bashful. Is that why you say he is a handmaid of God?"

MASTER (smiling, to Narendra): "Well, what do you think of me?"

NARENDRA: "You are a hero, a handmaid of God, and everything else."

These words fill Sri Ramakrishna with divine emotion. He places his hand on his heart and is about to say something.

He says to Narendra and the other devotees:

"I see that all things - everything that exists - have come from this."

He asks Narendra by a sign, "What did you understand?"

NARENDRA: "All created objects have come from you."

The Master's face beams with joy. He says to Rakhal, "Did you hear what" he said?"

Sri Ramakrishna asks Narendra to sing. Narendra intones a hymn. His mind is full of renunciation. He sings:

Unsteady is water on the lotus petal;
Just as unsteady is the life of man.
One moment with a sadhu is the boat
That takes one across the ocean of this world. . . .

Narendra has hardly finished one or two lines, when Sri Ramakrishna says to him by a sign: "What are you singing? That is a very insignificant attitude, a very commonplace thing."

Now Narendra sings about the love of Krishna, impersonating one of His handmaids:

How strange, O friend, are the rules of life and death!
The Youth of Braja has fled away,
And this poor maid of Braja soon will die.
Madhava is in love with other maids
More beautiful than I.
Alas! He has forgotten the milkman's artless daughter.
Who would ever have guessed, dear friend, that He,
A Lover so tender, so divine,
Could be a beggar simply for outward charm!
I was a fool not to have seen it before;
But carried away by His beauty,
I yearned alone to hold His two feet to my breast.

Now I shall drown myself in the Jamuna's stream,
Or take a draught of poison, friend!
Or I shall bind a creeper round my neck,
Or hang myself from a young tamala tree;
Or, failing all of these,
Destroy my wretched self by chanting Krishna's name.

Sri Ramakrishna and the devotees are greatly moved by the song. The Master and Rakhal shed tears of love. Narendra is intoxicated with the love of the gopis of Braja for their Sweetheart, Sri Krishna, and sings:

O Krishna! Beloved! You are mine.
What shall I say to You, O Lord?
What shall I ever say to You?
Only a woman am I,
And never fortune's favourite;

I do not know what to say.
You are the mirror for the hand,
And You are the flower for the hair.
O Friend, I shall make a flower of You
And wear You in my hair;
Under my braids I shall hide You, Friend!
No one will see You there.

You are the betel-leaf for the lips,
The sweet collyrium for the eyes;
O Friend, with You I shall stain my lips,
With You I shall paint my eyes.
You are the sandal-paste for the body;
You are the necklace for the neck.
I shall anoint myself with You,
My fragrant Sandal-paste,
And soothe my body and my soul.
I shall wear You, my lovely Necklace,
Here about my neck,
And You will lie upon my bosom,
Close to my throbbing heart.

You are the Treasure in my body;
You are the Dweller in my house.
You are to me, O Lord,
What wings are to the flying bird,
What water is to the fish.


Narendra's visit to Bodh-Gaya - Buddha's doctrines - The meaning of Buddha - Narendra's enthusiasm about Buddha - Master about himself - Master's vision of God - Different kinds of samadhi - Power of God's name - Surendra's faith - Master's love for Girish - Nature of the mind - Monks and householders - About Rakhal - Radha's love for Krishna - The crazy woman - Good use of money - Master's anxiety about M.'s wife.

Friday, April 9, 1886

IT WAS FIVE O'CLOCK in the afternoon. Narendra, Kali, Niranjan, and M. were talking downstairs in the Cossipore garden house.

NIRANJAN (to M.): "Is it true that Vidyasagar is going to open a new school? Why don't you try to secure employment there for Naren?"

NARENDRA: "I have had enough of service under Vidyasagar."

Narendra had just returned from a visit to Bodh-Gaya, where he had gone with Kali and Tarak. In that sacred place he had been absorbed in deep meditation before the image of Buddha. He had paid his respects to the Bodhi-tree, which is an offshoot of the original tree under which Buddha attained Nirvana.

Kali said, "One day at Gaya, at Umesh Babu's house, Narendra sang many classical songs to the accompaniment of the mridanga."

Sri Ramakrishna sat on his bed in the big hall upstairs. It was evening. M. was alone in the room, fanning the Master. Latu came in a little later.

MASTER (to M.): "Please bring a chaddar for me and a pair of slippers."

M: "Yes, sir."

MASTER (to Latu): "The chaddar will cost ten annas, and then the slippers - what will be the total cost?"

LATU: "One rupee and ten annas."

Sri Ramakrishna asked M., by a sign, to note the price.

Narendra entered the room and took a seat. Sashi, Rakhal, and one or two other devotees came in. The Master asked Narendra to stroke his feet. He also asked him whether he had taken his meal.

MASTER (smiling, to M.): "He went there [referring to Bodh-Gaya]."

M. (to Narendra): "What are the doctrines of Buddha?"

NARENDRA: "He could not express in words what he had realized by his tapasya. So people say he was an atheist."

MASTER (by signs): "Why atheist? He was not an atheist. He simply could not express his inner experiences in words. Do you know what 'Buddha' means? It is to become one with Bodha, Pure Intelligence, by meditating on That which is of the nature of Pure Intelligence; it is to become Pure Intelligence Itself."

NARENDRA: "Yes, sir. There are three classes of Buddhas: Buddha, Arhat, and Bodhisattva."

MASTER: "This too is a sport of God Himself, a new lila of God.

"Why should Buddha be called an atheist? When one realizes Svarupa, the true nature of one's Self, one attains a state that is something between asti, is, and nasti, is-not."

NARENDRA (to M.): "It is a state in which contradictions meet. A combination of hydrogen and oxygen produces cool water; and the same hydrogen and oxygen are used in the oxy-hydrogen blowpipe.

"In that state both activity and non-activity are possible; that is to say, one then performs unselfish action.

"Worldly people, who are engrossed in sense-objects, say that everything exists - asti. But the mayavadis, the illusionists, say that nothing exists - nasti. The experience of a Buddha is beyond both 'existence' and 'non-existence'."

MASTER: "This 'existence' and 'non-existence' are attributes of Prakriti. The Reality is beyond both."

The devotees remained silent a few moments.

MASTER (to Narendra): "What did Buddha preach?"

NARENDRA: "He did not discuss the existence or non-existence of God. But he showed compassion for others all his life.

"A hawk pounced upon a bird and was about to devour it. In order to save the bird, Buddha gave the hawk his own flesh."

Sri Ramakrishna remained silent. Narendra became more and more enthusiastic about Buddha.

NARENDRA: "How great his renunciation was! Born a prince, he renounced everything! If a man has nothing, no wealth at all, what does his renunciation amount to? After attaining Buddhahood and experiencing Nirvana, Buddha once visited his home and exhorted his wife, his son, and many others of the royal household to embrace the life of renunciation. How intense his renunciation was! But look at Vyasa's conduct! He forbade his son Sukadeva to give up the world, saying, 'My son, practise religion as a householder.'"

Sri Ramakrishna was silent. As yet he had not uttered a word.

NARENDRA: "Buddha did not care for Sakti or any such thing. He sought only Nirvana. Ah, how intense his dispassion was! When he sat down under the Bodhi-tree to meditate, he took this vow: 'Let my body wither away here if I do not attain Nirvana.' Such a firm resolve!

"This body, indeed, is the great enemy. Can anything be achieved without chastising it?"

SASHI: "But it is you who say that one develops sattva by eating meat. You insist that one should eat meat."

NARENDRA: "I eat meat, no doubt, but I can also live on rice, mere rice, even without salt."

After a few minutes Sri Ramakrishna broke his silence. He asked Narendra, by a sign, whether he had seen a tuft of hair on Buddha's head.

NARENDRA: "No, sir. He seems to have a sort of crown; his head seems to be covered by strings of rudraksha beads placed on top of one another."

MASTER: "And his eyes?"

NARENDRA: "They show that he is in samadhi."

Sri Ramakrishna again became silent. Narendra and the other devotees looked at him intently. Suddenly a smile lighted his face and he began to talk with Narendra. M. was fanning him.

MASTER (to Narendra): "Well, here you find everything - even ordinary red lentils and tamarind. Isn't that so?"

NARENDRA: "After experiencing all those states, you are now dwelling on a lower plane."

M. (to himself): "Yes, after realizing all those ideals, he is now living as a bhakta, a devotee of God."

MASTER: "Someone seems to be holding me to a lower plane."

Saying this, Sri Ramakrishna took the fan from M.'s hand and said: "As I see this fan, directly before me, in exactly the same manner have I seen God. And I have seen -"

With these words he placed his hand on his heart and asked Narendra, by a sign, "Can you tell me what I said?"

NARENDRA: "I have understood."

MASTER: "Tell me."

NARENDRA: "I didn't hear you well."

Sri Ramakrishna said again, by a sign, "I have seen that He and the one who dwells in my heart are one and the same Person."

NARENDRA: "Yes, yes! Soham - I am He."

MASTER: "But only a line divides the two - that I may enjoy divine bliss."

NARENDRA (to M.): "Great souls, even after their own liberation, retain the ego and experience the pleasure and pain of the body that they may help others to attain liberation.

"It is like coolie work. We perform coolie work under compulsion, but great souls do so of their own sweet pleasure."
Again all fell into silence. After a time Sri Ramakrishna resumed the conversation.

MASTER (to Narendra and the others): "The roof is clearly visible; but it is extremely hard to reach it."

NARENDRA: "Yes, sir."

MASTER: "But if someone who has already reached it drops down a rope, he can pull another person up.

"Once, a sadhu from Hrishikesh came to Dakshineswar. He said to me: 'How amazing! I find five kinds of samadhi manifested in you.'

"Just as a monkey climbs a tree, jumping from one branch to another, so also does the Mahavayu, the Great Energy, rise in the body, jumping from one centre to another, and one goes into samadhi. One feels the rising of the Great Energy, as though it were the movement of a monkey.

"Just as a fish darts about in the water and roams in great happiness, so also does the Mahavayu move upward in the body, and one goes into samadhi. One feels the rising of the Great Energy, as though it were the movement of a fish.

"Like a bird hopping from one branch to another, the Mahavayu goes up in the tree of the body, now to this branch and now to that. One feels the rising of the Great Energy, as though it were the movement of a bird.

"Like the slow creeping of an ant, the Mahavayu rises from centre to centre. When it reaches the Sahasrara one goes into samadhi. One feels the rising of the Great Energy, as though it were the movement of an ant.

"Like the wriggling of a snake, the Mahavayu rises in a zigzag way along the spinal column till it reaches the Sahasrara, and one goes into samadhi. One feels the rising of the Great Energy, as though it were the movement of a snake."

RAKHAL (to the other devotees): "Let us stop here. He has already talked a great deal. It will aggravate his illness."

Monday, April 12, 1886

About five o'clock in the afternoon Sri Ramakrishna was sitting on the bed in his room in the Cossipore garden house. Sashi and M. were with him. He asked M., by a sign, to fan him. There was a fair in the neighbourhood in celebration of the last day of the Bengali year. A devotee, whom Sri Ramakrishna had sent to the fair to buy a few articles, returned.

"What have you bought?" the Master asked him.

DEVOTEE: "Candy for five pice, a spoon for two pice, and a vegetable-knife for two pice."

MASTER: "What about the penknife?"

DEVOTEE: "I couldn't get one for two pice."

MASTER (eagerly): "Go quickly and get one!'

M. was pacing the garden. Narendra and Tarak returned from Calcutta. They had visited Girish Ghosh's house and other places.

TARAK: "We have eaten a great deal of meat and other heavy stuff today."

NARENDRA: "Yes, our minds have come down a great deal. Let us practise tapasya. (To M.) What slavery to body and mind! We are just like coolies - as if this body and mind were not ours but belonged to someone else."

In the evening lamps were lighted in the house. Sri Ramakrishna sat on his bed, facing the north. He was absorbed in contemplation of the Mother of the Universe. A few minutes later Fakir, who belonged to the priestly family of Balaram, recited the Hymn of Forgiveness addressed to the Divine Mother. Sashi, M., and two or three other devotees were in the room. After the recital Sri Ramakrishna, with folded hands, very respectfully bowed to the Deity.

M. was fanning Sri Ramakrishna. The Master said to him by signs, "Get a stone cup for me that will hold a quarter of a seer of milk - white stone." He drew the shape of the cup with his finger.

M: "Yes, sir."

MASTER: "When eating from other cups I get the smell of fish."

Tuesday, April 13, 1886

It was about eight o'clock in the morning. M. had spent the night at the garden house. After taking his bath in the Ganges he prostrated himself before Sri Ramakrishna. Ram had just come. He saluted the Master and took a seat. He had brought a garland of flowers, which he offered to the Master. Most of the devotees were downstairs; only one or two were in the Master's room.

Sri Ramakrishna was talking to Ram.

MASTER: "How do you find me?"

RAM: "In you one finds everything.

"Presently there will be a discussion about your illness."

The Master smiled and asked Ram by a sign, "Will there really be a discussion about my illness?"

Sri Ramakrishna's slippers were not comfortable. Dr. Rajendra Dutta intended to buy a new pair and had asked for the measurement of his feet. The measurement was taken.

Sri Ramakrishna asked M., by a sign, about the stone cup. M. at once stood up. He wanted to go to Calcutta for the cup.

MASTER: "Don't bother about it now."

M: "Sir, these devotees are going to Calcutta. I will go with them."

M. bought the cup in Calcutta and returned to Cossipore at noon. He saluted the Master and placed the cup near him. Sri Ramakrishna took the cup in his hands and looked at it. Dr. Rajendra Dutta, Dr. Sreenath, Rakhal Haldar, and several others came in. Rakhal, Sashi, and the younger Naren were in the room. The physicians heard the report of the Master's illness. Dr. Sreenath had a copy of the Gita in his hand.

DR. SREENATH (to his friends): "Everything is under the control of Prakriti. Nobody can escape the fruit of past action. This is called prarabdha."

MASTER: "Why, if one chants the name of God, meditates on Him, and takes refuge in Him -"

DR. SREENATH (to his friends): "But, sir, how can one escape prarabdha, the effect of action performed in previous births?"

MASTER: "No doubt a man experiences a little of the effect; but much of it is cancelled by the power of God's name. A man was born blind of an eye. This was his punishment for a certain misdeed he had committed in his past birth, and the punishment was to remain with him for six more births. He, however, took a bath in the Ganges, which gives one liberation. This meritorious action could not cure his blindness, but it saved him from his future births."

DR. SREENATH (to his friends): "But, sir, the scriptures say that nobody can escape the fruit of karma."

Dr. Sreenath was ready to argue with the Master.

MASTER (to M.): "Why don't you tell him that there is a great difference between the Isvarakoti and an ordinary man? An Isvarakoti cannot commit sin. Why don't you tell him that?"

M. remained silent and then said to Rakhal, "You tell him."

After a few minutes the physicians left the room. Sri Ramakrishna was talking to Rakhal Haldar.

HALDAR: "Dr. Sreenath studies Vedanta. He is a student of the Yoga-vasishtha."

MASTER: "A householder should not hold the view that everything is illusory, like a dream."

Referring to a man named Kalidas, a devotee said, "He too discusses Vedanta, but he has lost all his money in lawsuits."

MASTER (smiling): "Yes, one proclaims everything to be maya, and still one goes to court! (To Rakhal) Mukherji of Janai, too, talked big. But at last he came to his senses. If I were well I should have talked a little more with Dr. Sreenath. Can one obtain jnana just by talking about it?"

HALDAR: "You are right, sir. I have seen enough of jnana. Now all I need in order to live in the world is a little bhakti. The other day I came to you with a problem on my mind, and you solved it."

MASTER (eagerly): "What was it?"

HALDAR: "Sir, when that boy (pointing to the younger Naren) came in, you said he had controlled his passions."

MASTER: "Yes, it is true. He is totally unaffected by worldliness. He says he doesn't know what lust is. (To M.) Just feel my body. All the hair is standing on end."

The Master's hair actually stood on end at the thought of a pure mind totally devoid of lust. He always said that God manifests Himself where there is no lust.

Rakhal Haldar took his leave.

Sri Ramakrishna was seated with the devotees. A crazy woman had been troubling everybody in order to see the Master. She had assumed toward him the attitude of a lover and often ran into the garden house and burst into the Master's room. She had even been beaten by the devotees; but that did not stop her.

SASHI: "If she comes again I shall shove her out of the place!"

MASTER (tenderly): "No, no! Let her come and go away."

RAKHAL: "At the beginning I too used to feel jealous of others when they visited the Master. But he graciously revealed to me that my guru is also the Guru of the Universe. Has he taken this birth only for a few of us?"

SASHI: "I don't mean that. But why should she trouble him when he is ill? And she is such a nuisance!"

RAKHAL: "We all give him trouble. Did we all come to him after attaining perfection? Haven't we caused him suffering? How Narendra and some of the others behaved in the beginning! How they argued with him!"

SASHI: 'Whatever Narendra expressed in words he carried out in his actions."

RAKHAL: "How rude Dr. Sarkar has been to him! No one is guilleless, if it comes to that."

MASTER (to Rakhal, tenderly): "Will you eat something?"

RAKHAL: "Not now. Later on."

Sri Ramakrishna asked M., by a sign, whether he was going to have his meal there.

RAKHAL (to M.): "Please take your meal here. He is asking you to."

Sri Ramakrishna was seated completely naked. He looked like a five-year-old boy. Just then the crazy woman climbed the stairs and stood near the door.

M. (in a low voice, to Sashi); "Ask her to salute him and go away. Don't make any fuss."

Sashi took her downstairs.

It was the first day of the Bengali year. Many woman devotees arrived. They saluted Sri Ramakrishna and the Holy Mother. Among them were the wives of Balaram and Manomohan, and the brahmani of Baghbazar. Several of them had brought their children along.

Some of the women offered flowers at the Master's feet. Two young girls, nine or ten years of age, sang a few songs.

First they sang:

We moan for rest, alas! but rest can never find;
We know not whence we come, nor where we float away.
Time and again we tread this round of smiles and tears;
In vain we pine to know whither our pathway leads,
And why we play this empty play. . . .


There comes Radha, and there see your Krishna,
With arching eyes and the flute at His lips. . . .

And finally:

O tongue, always repeat the name of Mother Durga!
Who but your Mother Durga will save you in distress? . . .

Sri Ramakrishna said by a sign: "That's good! They are singing of the Divine Mother."

The brahmani of Baghbazar had the nature of a child. Sri Ramakrishna told Rakhal, by a sign, to ask her to sing. The devotees smiled as the brahmani sang:

O Hari, I shall sport with You today;
For I have found You alone in the nidhu wood. . . .

The woman devotees went downstairs.

It was afternoon. M. and a few other devotees were seated near the Master. Narendra came in. He looked, as the Master used to say, like an unsheathed sword.

Narendra sat down near the Master and within his hearing expressed his utter annoyance with women. He told the devotees what an obstacle women were in the path of God-realization.

Sri Ramakrishna made no response. He listened to Narendra.

Narendra said again: "I want peace. I do not care even for God."

Sri Ramakrishna looked at him intently without uttering a word. Now and then Narendra chanted, "Brahman is Truth, Knowledge, the Infinite."

It was eight o'clock in the evening. Sri Ramakrishna sat on his bed. A few devotees sat on the floor in front of him. Surendra arrived from his office. He carried in his hands four oranges and two garlands of flowers. Now he looked at the Master and now at the devotees. He unburdened his heart to Sri Ramakrishna.

SURENDRA (looking at M. and the others): "I have come after finishing my office work. I thought, 'What is the good of standing on two boats at the same time?' So I finished my duties first and then came here. Today is the first day of the year; it is also Tuesday, an auspicious day to worship the Divine Mother. But I didn't go to Kalighat. I said to myself, 'It will be enough if I see him who is Kali Herself, and who has rightly understood Kali.'"

Sri Ramakrishna smiled.

SURENDRA: "It is said that a man should bring fruit and flowers when visiting his guru or a holy man. So I have brought these. . . . (To the Master) I am spending all this money for you. God alone knows my heart. Some people feel grieved to give away a penny; and there are people who spend a thousand rupees without feeling any hesitation. God sees the inner love of a devotee and accepts his offering."

Sri Ramakrishna said to Surendra, by a nod, that he was right.

SURENDRA: "I couldn't come here yesterday. It was the last day of the year. But I decorated your picture with flowers."

Sri Ramakrishna said to M., by a sign, "Ah, what devotion!"

SURENDRA: "As I was coming here I bought these two garlands for four annas."

Almost all the devotees took their leave. The Master asked M. to stroke his legs and fan him.

Friday, April 16, 1886

The moon was shining brilliantly, flooding the garden paths, the trees, and the water of the lake with its white rays. Girish, M., Latu, and a few other devotees were seated on the steps leading to the lake. The house stood to the west of the lake. A lamp burnt in the Master's room on the second floor. Sri Ramakrishna was sitting on his bed. There were several devotees in the room.

A few minutes later Girish and M. were strolling along a garden path lined with flowering plants and fruit-trees.

M: "'How beautiful this moonlight is! Perhaps nature has had the same laws from time out of mind."

GIRISH: "How do you know that?"

M: "There is no change in the uniformity of nature. European scientists have been discovering new stars through the telescope. There are mountains on the moon; they have seen them."

GIRISH: "It is difficult to be sure of that. It is hard for me to believe it."

M: "Why? The mountains have been observed through the telescope."

GIRISH: "How can you be sure that they have been rightly observed? Suppose there are other things between the moon and the earth. Light passing through them may conjure up such visions."

Narendra, Rakhal, Niranjan, Sarat, Sashi, Baburam, Kali, Jogin, Latu, and a few other young devotees had been living at the Cossipore garden house in order to nurse Sri Ramakrishna. That evening Narendra, Kali, and Tarak had gone to Dakshineswar. They were going to spend the night in the Panchavati, meditating on God.

Girish, Latu, and M. went to Sri Ramakrishna's room and found him sitting on the bed. Sashi and one or two devotees had been tending the Master. Baburam, Niranjan, and Rakhal also entered the room. It was a large room. Some medicines and a few other accessories were kept near the bed. One entered the room by a door at the north end.

Since Sri Ramakrishna had to be tended all night, the devotees stayed awake by turns. The devotee who tended him fixed Sri Ramakrishna's mosquito net and then either lay on a mat on the floor or spent the night sitting up. Since Sri Ramakrishna got very little sleep on account of his illness, his attendant, too, slept very little.

That evening Sri Ramakrishna was somewhat better. The devotees saluted the Master and sat down on the floor. The Master asked M. to bring the lamp near him. He greeted Girish cordially.

MASTER (to Girish): "Are you quite well? (To Latu) Prepare a smoke for him and give him a betel-leaf."

A few minutes afterwards he asked Latu to give Girish some refreshments. Latu said that they had been sent for.

Sri Ramakrishna was sitting up. A devotee offered him some garlands of flowers. Sri Ramakrishna put them around his neck one by one. Was he thus worshipping God who dwelt in his heart? The devotees looked at him wonderingly. He took two garlands from his neck and gave them to Girish.

Every now and then Sri Ramakrishna asked whether the refreshments had been brought.

M. was fanning the Master. On the bed was a sandal-wood fan, the offering of a devotee. The Master gave it to M., who continued to fan him with it. He also gave M. two garlands.

M. had lost a son aged seven or eight about a year and a half before. The child had seen the Master many a time. Latu was telling Sri Ramakrishna about M.

LATU: "M. wept bitterly last night at the sight of some books that had belonged to his dead child. His wife is almost mad with grief. She sometimes treats her other children violently. She creates a scene at home because he spends the night here now and then."

Sri Ramakrishna seemed worried to hear of this.

GIRISH: "It is nothing to be wondered at. Even after receiving the instruction of the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna fainted from grief at the death of his son Abhimanyu."

Girish was given the refreshments on a tray. Sri Ramakrishna took a grain and Girish accepted the rest as prasad. He sat in front of the Master and began to eat. He needed water to drink. There was an earthen jug in the southeast corner of the room. It was the month of April, and the day was hot. Sri Ramakrishna said, "There is some nice water here."

The Master was so ill that he had not enough strength even to stand up. And what did the disciples see to their utter amazement? They saw him leave the bed, completely naked, and move toward the jug! He himself was going to pour the water into a tumbler. The devotees were almost frozen with fear. The Master poured the water into a glass. He poured a drop or two into his hand to see whether it was cool. He found that it was not very cool; but since nothing better could be found, he reluctantly gave it to Girish.

Girish was eating the sweets. The devotees were sitting about, and M. was fanning Sri Ramakrishna.

GIRISH (to the Master): "Deben Babu has decided to renounce the world."

On account of his illness Sri Ramakrishna could hardly talk. Touching his lips with his finger, he asked Girish, by signs, "Who will feed his wife and children?"

GIRISH: "I don't know."

The other devotees remained silent. Girish began talking again while he ate the refreshments.

GIRISH: "Sir, which is wiser - to renounce the world regretfully, or to call on God, leading a householder's life?"

MASTER (to M.): "Haven't you read the Gita? One truly realizes God if one performs one's worldly duties in a detached spirit, if one lives in the world after realizing that everything is illusory.

"Those who regretfully renounce the world belong to an inferior class.

"Do yoy know what a householder jnani is like? He is like a person living in a glass house. He can see both inside and outside."

Again there was silence in the room.

MASTER (to M.): "The refreshments are hot and good."

M. (to Girish): "Yes, they were bought from Fagu's shop. The place is famous."

MASTER (smiling): "Yes, famous."

GIRISH: "They are really nice.

(To the Master) "Sir, my mind is now on a very lofty plane. Why does it come down again?"

MASTER: "That always happens when one leads a worldly life. Sometimes the householder's mind goes up; sometimes it goes down. Sometimes he feels a great deal of devotion; sometimes he feels less. This happens because he lives in the midst of 'woman and gold'. Sometimes a householder contemplates God or chants His name, and sometimes he diverts his mind to 'woman and gold'. He is like an ordinary fly, which now sits on a sweetmeat and now on filth or rotting sores.

"But it is quite different with sannyasis. They are able to fix their minds on God alone, completely withdrawing them from 'woman and gold'. They can enjoy the Bliss of God alone. A man of true renunciation cannot enjoy anything but God. He leaves any place where people talk of worldly things; he listens only to spiritual talk. A man of true renunciation never speaks about anything but God. The bees light only on flowers, in order to sip honey; they do not enjoy anything else."
Girish went to the small terrace to rinse his hands.

MASTER (to M.): "A man needs the grace of God to fix his whole mind on Him. Well, Girish has eaten a great many sweets. Tell him not to eat anything else tonight."

Girish returned to the room and sat in front of the Master. He was chewing a betel-leaf.

MASTER (to Girish): "Rakhal has now understood what is good and what is bad, what is real and what is unreal. He lives with his family, no doubt, but he knows what it means. He has a wife. And a son has been born to him. But he has realized that all these are illusory and impermanent. Rakhal will never be attached to the world.

"He is like a mudfish. The fish lives in the mud, but there is not the slightest trace of mud on its body."

GIRISH: "Sir, I don't understand all this. You can make everyone pure and unattached if you want to. You can make everyone good, whether he is a worldly man or a sannyasi. The Malaya breeze, I believe, turns all trees into sandal-wood."

MASTER: "Not unless there is substance in them. There are a few trees, the cotton-tree for instance, which are not turned into sandal-wood."

GIRISH: "I don't care."

MASTER: "But this is the law."

GIRISH: "But everything about you is illegal."

The devotees were listening to this conversation in great amazement. Every now and then the fan in M.'s hand stopped moving.

MASTER: "Yes, that may be true. When the river of bhakti overflows, the land all around is flooded with water to the depth of a pole.

"When a man is inebriated with divine love, he doesn't abide by the injunctions of the Vedas. He picks durva grass for the worship of the Deity, but he doesn't clean it. He picks whatever he lays his hands on. While gathering tulsi-leaves he even breaks the branches. Ah! What a state of mind I passed through!

(To M.) "When one develops love of God, one needs nothing else."

M: "Yes, sir."

MASTER: "But a devotee must assume toward God a particular attitude. God in His Incarnation as Rama demonstrated santa, dasya, vatsalya, and sakhya. But Krishna demonstrated madhur, besides all these.

"Radha cherished the attitude of madhur toward Krishna. Her love was romantic. But in the case of Sita it was the pure love of a chaste wife for her husband. There was no romance in her love.

"But all this is the lila of God. He demonstrates different ideals to suit different times."
A crazy woman used to accompany Vijay Goswami to the Kali temple at Dakshineswar and sing for Sri Ramakrishna. Her songs were about Kali. She also used to sing the songs of the Brahmo Samaj. The devotees called her "Pagli" (The Bengali word for "crazy woman".) and tried to keep her away from the Master.

MASTER (to Girish and the others): "Pagli cherishes the attitude of madhur toward me. One day she came to Dakshineswar. Suddenly she burst out crying. 'Why are you crying?' I asked her. And she said, 'Oh, my head is aching!' (All laugh.) Another day I was eating when she came to Dakshineswar. She suddenly said, 'Won't you be kind to me?' I had no idea of what was passing through her mind, and went on eating. Then she said, 'Why did you push me away mentally?' I asked her, 'What is your attitude?' She said, 'Madhur.' 'Ah!' I said. 'But I look on all women as manifestations of the Divine Mother. All women are mothers to me.' Thereupon she said, 'I don't know all that.' Then I called Ramlal and said to him: 'Ramlal, listen to her! What is she talking about - this "pushing away mentally"?' Even now she keeps up that attitude."

GIRISH: "Blessed indeed is Pagli! Maybe she is crazy. Maybe she is beaten by the devotees. But she meditates on you twenty-four hours a day. No matter how she meditates on you, no harm can ever befall her.

"Sir, how can I express my own feelings about it? Think what I was before, and what I have become now by meditating on you! Formerly I was indolent; now that indolence has turned into resignation to God. Formerly I was a sinner; now I have become humble. What else can I say?"

The devotees remained silent. Rakhal expressed his sympathy for Pagli. He said: "We all feel sorry for her. She causes so much annoyance, and for that she suffers, too."

NIRANJAN (to Rakhal): "You feel that way for her because you have a wife at home. But we could kill her."

RAKHAL (sharply): "Such bragging! How dare you utter such words before him [meaning Sri Ramakrishna]?"

MASTER (to Girish): "'Woman and gold' alone is the world. Many people regard money as their very life-blood. But however you may show love for money, one day, perhaps, every bit of it will slip from your hand.

"In our part of the country the farmers make narrow ridges around their paddy-fields. You know what those ridges are. Some farmers make ridges with great care all the way around their fields. Such ridges are destroyed by the rush of the rain-water. But some farmers leave a part of the ridge open and put sod there. The water flows through the sod, leaving the field covered with silt after the rain. They reap a rich harvest.

"They alone make good use of their money who spend it for the worship of God or the service of holy men and devotees. Their money bears fruit.

"I cannot eat anything offered by physicians. I mean those who traffic in human suffering. Their money is blood and pus."

Sri Ramakrishna mentioned two physicians in this connection.

GIRISH: "Dr. Rajendra Dutta is a generous person. He doesn't accept a penny from anybody. He gives away money in charity."

Saturday, April 17, 1886

It was the night of the full moon. For some time Narendra had been going to Dakshineswar daily. He spent a great deal of time in the Panchavati in meditation and contemplation. This day he returned from Dakshineswar in the evening. Tarak and Kali were with him.

It was eight o'clock in the evening. Moonlight and the south wind added to the charm of the garden house. Many of the devotees were meditating in the room downstairs. Referring to them, Narendra said to M., "They are shedding their upadhis one by one."

A few minutes later M. came into Sri Ramakrishna's room and sat down on the floor. The Master asked him to wash his towel and the spittoon. M. washed them in the reservoir.

Next morning Sri Ramakrishna sent for M. After taking his bath in the Ganges and saluting the Master, he had gone to the roof. Sri Ramakrishna asked M. to bring his grief-stricken wife to the garden house, where she could have her meal.

The Master said to M., by a sign: "Ask her to come. Let her stay here a couple of days. She may bring the baby."

M: "Yes, sir. It would be fine if she developed intense love of God." Sri Ramakrishna again answered by signs: "Oh, grief pushes out devotion. And he was such a big boy!

"Krishnakishore had two sons. They were of the same age as Bhavanath, and each had two university degrees. They both died. And Krishnakishore, jnani that he was, could not at first control himself. How lucky I am that I have none!

"Arjuna was a great jnani; and Krishna was his constant companion. Nevertheless he was completely overwhelmed with grief at the death of his son Abhimanyu.

"Why doesn't Kishori come?"

A DEVOTEE: "He comes to the Ganges every day for his bath."

MASTER: "But why doesn't he come here?"

DEVOTEE: "I shall ask him to come, sir."

MASTER: "Why doesn't Harish come?"

Two young girls aged nine and ten, who belonged to M.'s family; sang several songs about the Divine Mother for the Master. They had sung for him when he had visited M.'s house at Syampukur. The Master was very much pleased with their songs. After they had finished, they were sent for by the devotees to sing for them downstairs.
MASTER (to M.): "Don't teach the girls any more songs. It is different if they sing spontaneously. But they will lose-their modesty by singing before anyone and everyone. It is very necessary for women to be modest."

Flowers and sandal-paste were placed before the Master in a flower-basket. He sat on his bed and worshipped himself with these offerings. Sometimes he placed flowers and sandal-paste on his head, sometimes on his throat, sometimes on his heart, and sometimes on his navel.

Manomohan of Konnagar came in and took a seat after saluting the Master. Sri Ramakrishna was still busy with the worship of his inner Self. He put a garland of flowers on his own neck. After a while he seemed to be pleased with Manomohan and gave him some flowers. M., too, received a flower.

It was about nine o'clock in the morning. The Master and M. were talking. Sashi was also in the room.

MASTER (to M.): "What were Narendra and Sashi talking about? What did they discuss?"

M. (to Sashi): "What were you talking about?"

SASHI: "Was it Niranjan that told you about it?"

MASTER: "What were you discussing? I heard 'God', 'Being', 'Non-being', and so forth."

SASHI (smiling): "Shall I call Narendra?"

MASTER: "Yes."

Narendra came in and took a seat.

MASTER (to M.): "Ask him something. (To Narendra) Tell us what you were talking about."

NARENDRA: "I have indigestion. What's there to tell you about?"

MASTER: "You will get over your indigestion."

M. (smiling): "Tell, us about the experience of Buddha."

NARENDRA: "Have I become a Buddha, that you want me to talk about him?"

M: "What does Buddha say about the existence of God?"

NARENDRA: "How can you say that God exists? It is you who have created this universe. Don't you know what Berkeley says about it?"

M: "Yes, I do. According to him, esse is percipi. (The existence of external objects depends on their perception.) The world exists as long as the sense-organs perceive it."

MASTER: "Nangta used to say, 'The world exists in mind alone and disappears in mind alone.' But as long as 'I-consciousness' exists, one should assume the servant-and-master relationship with God."

NARENDRA (to M.): "How can you prove by reasoning that God exists? But if you depend on faith, then you must accept the relationship of servant and Master. And if you accept that - and you can't help it - then you must also say that God is kind.

"You think only of the suffering in the world - why do you forget that God has also given you so much happiness? How kind He is to us! He has granted us three very great things: human birth, the yearning to know God, and the companionship of a great soul."

All were silent.

MASTER (to Narendra): "I feel very clearly that there is Someone within me.

Dr. Rajendralal arrived and took a seat. He had been treating the Master with homeopathic medicine. When the talk about medicine was over, Sri Ramakrishna pointed out Manomohan to the doctor.

RAJENDRA: "He is a distant relative of mine."

Narendra went downstairs. He was singing to himself:

Lord, Thou hast lifted all my sorrow with the vision of Thy face,
And the magic of Thy beauty has bewitched my mind;
Beholding Thee, the seven worlds forget their never-ending woe;
What shall I say, then, of myself, a poor and lowly soul? . . .

Narendra had a little indigestion. He said to M.: "If one follows the path of bhakti, then the mind comes down a little to the body. Otherwise, who am I? Neither man nor God. I have neither pleasure nor pain."

It was about nine o'clock in the evening. Surendra and a few other devotees entered Sri Ramakrishna's room and offered him garlands of flowers. Baburam, Latu, and M. were also in the room.

Sri Ramakrishna put Surendra's garland on his own neck. All sat quietly. Suddenly the Master made a sign to Surendra to come near him. When the disciple came near the bed, Sri Ramakrishna took the garland from his neck and put it around Surendra's. Surendra saluted the Master. Sri Ramakrishna asked him, by a sign, to rub his feet. Surendra gave them a gentle massage.

Several devotees were sitting on the bank of the reservoir in the garden, singing to the accompaniment of drum and cymbals. Sri Ramakrishna sent them word through Latu to sing the name of Hari.

M., Baburam, and several others were still sitting in the Master's room. They heard the devotees singing:

There dances my Gora, chanting Hari's name! . . .

When the Master heard the song he made a sign to Baburam and M. to join them. He also asked them to dance,

A few minutes later Sri Ramakrishna sent another devotee to the singers to ask them to sing the following improvised lines: "Ah, my Gora even knows how to dance!" "How can I describe my Gora's moods?" "My Gora dances with both his hands upraised."

The music was over. Surendra was almost in an ecstatic mood. He sang:

Crazy is my Father, (Siva.) crazy is my Mother,
And I, their son, am crazy too!
Syama is my Mother's name.
My Father strikes His cheeks and makes a hollow sound:
Ba-ba-bom! Ba-ba-bom!
And my Mother, drunk and reeling,
Falls across my Father's body!
Syama's streaming tresses hang in vast disorder;
Bees are swarming numberless
About Her crimson Lotus Feet..
Listen, as She dances, how Her anklets ring!

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